I can't move forward and it's driving me nuts

[AntoniaB]

Well my earthquake levity post I guess turned out to be a little true in that this hurricane prompted contact btwn. me and XH.

Basically he contacted the intermediary friends last night and said he was very concerned and that I needed to get out of town and go to my parents, that he was afraid his apt was going to be destroyed (umm, his choice, to move to the coastline a few months ago to his new apt....) and that he thought I was in danger. I didn't know that he contacted me till this a.m., and yet when I got up this a.m., my first thought was that I should contact HIM via email directly to tell him I was concerned for his safety and thought he should evacuate voluntarily. I also told him how he could reach me in case of emergency and said that I was ok with it if he contacted me. Well when I got up with that in mind AND saw that he had contacted my friends with the message, I felt "right" about emailing him.

I didn't have any expectations about him replying and didn't feel I much cared if he did or not--none that I could tell--I just felt like in case of danger, I wanted to be kind and not leaves things badly, as I was the one to cut him off so many months ago and block his contact.

A few hours later, he emailed back. He told me that he was worried about me and wanted me to leave, and he told me he was leaving (now his area is a mandatory evac.). I said I didn't feel I could (my area is inland, not near large bodies of water, and people aren't leaving this area or told to leave).

I have 10 pets here. I do not have anywhere I can take them. My family would allow 2 or 3 at most. Not all ten. And my extended family wouldn't allow them at all. I don't come from pet people.

So anyway this went back and forth a bit with him mainly giving me suggestions for things to prep or what to do in case and him telling me it was going to be really scary because it would be at night and I'd be alone. And I was like, yeah, I know.

So I think he's left by now and the emailing is over.

So I felt better to know he "cared." Then like a moron I went to his fb page to see that his profile pic was changed 2 days ago to be yet another of him and OW, this one them in a restaurant posing, his arm around her. I can see that she is clearly younger than me (as I know), thinner than me by quite a lot, and both are smiling up a storm. All tanned and lovely. And then I just cried, because why oh why can he not just have a rel. that he isn't making SO freaking public?? Why did he have to pick a former state beauty queen as his OW?? Why couldn't she just be a "normal" person instead of a local celeb?? I swear I could deal better if I didnt' think that he was "making a case" to friends and family that she's a better "catch" than I was. He never put pics of us together as his fb profile pic. Never. He never talked about me incessantly on fb as he apparently does with her. It makes me feel like all the people in his life who have written me off entirely just sit around praising him for how thank god, he got rid of the dead weight (me) and got a new woman before it was too late.

And the kicker too is that he told me where he was going to (I didn't ask). He said he was going to stay with a guy from college who he was friends with again. This guy had a gigantic ego--he was a performer, IN MUSICALS, just like my XHs new girlfriend. My XH had fallen away from him back after college because he said the guy was egotistical and pretentious.

All I could think was OF COURSE you're friends with him. This is a guy who has no opinion about me as you've not been friends with him while we were married, and this is a guy who LOVES theater people like your girlfriend.

Yep, that's who he's staying with during the storm.

I do not know who he is, and I have to tell you I'm in a real "it's not fair" mode today, because all I can think is that aside from all of you here, there is not one person I've ever met in this world who has gone through having a spouse become another person and done what these people have done to us and still do when they make this "case" that the person they cheated with is better than we are.

Ugh...breathe, Antonia, breathe...