Preseason has begun...just trying to make the cut

[MadeToSucceed]

Thank you sir. I appreciate it. Nothing truly groundbreaking to report with my W. I still have not attempted to contact or respond to her...notice I said "I have not."

Apparently at about 1am this morning she sent me a message on Facebook.

W: awake? guess not.. nevermind

I didn't respond because I was sleep and when I saw it this morning, I didn't bother to respond either. She said nevermind. Couldn't have been that important, right? Last Friday was when she called and then sent the email. I didn't respond to that either. I thought about it for a few but to be honest, it's becoming a little easier each day. It's now been 14 days since I've last heard her voice and 12 days since I actually communicated back to something she sent. And I'm ok with that. Because I'm living. She starts competing at the World Championships this weekend and a part of me is considering sending her a very plain jane email stating nothing more that I wish her well and will be praying for her but I'm conflicted as to whether or not I should. As Lenni and I discussed, she is probably expecting that to some extent but at the same time, I do still care for her. As I'm typing through this though, whether or not I contact her, she KNOWS I support her...and if she "doesn't" it's just because she is pretending/rationalizing that I don't to make herself free from some of the guilt. At the very least I'll pray for her and I know regardless, that will be sufficient.

As for this week...it's been a busy one.

Work has been hectic. I got my couch delivered on Wednesday so I'm now up to a bed and a couch and a tv. I'm doing alright! LOL. Went to Bible Study on Wednesday and met with my pastor for the first time about my sitch yesterday. He made me feel a lot better as well. I haven't checked my W's facebook or twitter posts all week. Plan to keep it that way. Had my first class of the semester last night and treated myself to a Jimmy John's sammy afterwards.

I also did something else this week. I reached back to my old college coaches and admins. I trust them with my life and while I was never a superstar for our program, I was a hard worker, a leader, never got in trouble and I graduated with a degree in Economics...not basket weaving or community studies. I say all that to say, they appreciate that. I let my head coach know about my sitch briefly and told him I'm looking to take charge of MY life now. That I want to get involved in a job field and ultimately career that is more financially lucrative for me as well as more intrinsically fulfilling. My current job is just that: a job. I work it because they pay for half of my MBA and because it is flexible for me to support my wife's career in the ways I do but hey...as of today, it's just me right? So why stick with a job I hate that doesn't pay well? My college is probably one of the if not the most influential universities in America and our alum base stretches wide.

My coach put me in touch with our assistant AD. He and I spoke briefly on the phone last night and he basically said that he would have no trouble helping me get in touch with some people, one of which is a VP at a Fortune 500 company. Flat out said I would be much easier to assist than some of my teammates that come looking for help with no real work experience and/or degree to fall back on because he knows I'm a hard worker and that I communicate well with people socially and in professional settings.

You guys have no idea how much that meant to me. Sent my confidence through the roof. I've tending to sell myself short. Kind of like West said. I'm a pleaser. And in the sacrifices I made for my W (which I would make again because that's what relationships are about, sacrifice) I lost some of me. I would make the sacrifices again but I wouldn't lose my sense of self worth this time around.

I'm a damn good man. Damn good person too. I'm smart and good looking. I work hard and I'm trustworthy. I have a good reputation and a lot of tools and things going for me. I haven't been promised any opportunities but I have grown enough to put my pride aside and ask for help from people who are actually in positions to help. And guess what? Since I always did right by them, they're willing to do right by me. We truly do reap what we sow and I'd like to think even in my flaws, I've sown more good than bad.

Worst case, it's a great networking opportunity. My school is even going to give me a couple of tickets to a game to bring the VP with me and take him tailgating (even though I have season tickets already, they're going to hook me up and let me give him an all access tour).

I prayed on it last night and thanked God for even getting the time of day. They could have easily told me no but I was very candid and honest. Told them I was looking for no handouts but that I just want to work hard and make more money than I am now doing something that I'd actually enjoy.

I truly feel like this is a new beginning of sorts. Doors are going to open for me and if not, I'll go through the window. I know it won't be easy. I still miss my W and wish that she can walk through these doors with me but she has to come to that decision on her own. I'm going to be ok and if she doesn't get on the train, she'll get left behind.

This afternoon I'm going to tour Cowboys Stadium with my MBA group. Tonight I may try to catch a local high school football game or go to dinner or grab drinks with a friend. Tomorrow morning I have class and then I'm hitting the road to visit friends in Houston. Sunday we'll go to church and then do our fantasy draft and then I'll get back started on Monday again.

I feel great today DB'ers. Just had to share. Life is good. A coach of mine used to tell me "At least you're vertical...there's a lot of people who didn't wake up today and never will...and they'll be horizontal forever." So true. I'm blessed to be among the living and no matter how bad your sitch may be, you are too!