Do what I can but still have questions 3

[soccerwife]

A girl, I have stopped asking if there is OW, cuz he has said no, and I have to believe him.

My feelings of hate last night passed quickly, by 5am I suddenly woke with regret that I said those things. I feel so selfish. I just have this feeling that he is MLC and/or depressed and I need to be his rock, ride this thing out, show him unconditional love, be there to support him no matter what he does to me. Even if he goes through w/D, I feel like I have to be kind, gracious, sincere, supportive. It is just so hard to do that constantly without any good will reciprocated.

There is no one there to hold me and hasn't been for 8 months. It really gets the better of me at times. I just hate him so much, but love him with all my heart. I even start imagining the fun I could have the new people I might meet, the things I could do if he would just leave me and let me heal. And then I feel such remorse and guilt.

Why are humans burdened with this? Why did this have to happen to us (the people on this forum), good people, with our families best interests in mind? I am so afraid. This may turn me into a bitter, untrusting, jaded, unstable person who is incapable of love. I have seen it happen to stronger people than myself.