Thank you Brook, Eric, and Sleeper. Thanks for listening and taking the time to post to me. I'm having a hard time letting this one go.
I just thought that after almost 2 years gone that maybe H would start to realize the damage he is doing to his own children.
How can one that used to be such a very good Dad just ignore his own D in lieu of showing what a great guy and 'grandpa' he is to a child that won't have a clue that he was there? I understand a new baby is an exciting event, but not so much that it's OK to disregard your own D's birthday.
Why couldn't he find a few minutes to come and spend some time with D on her special day? I guess he thought that taking her out last Sunday (his regular visitation) and buying her clothes for her b-day (what she wanted)was good enough.
Sleeper, you hit the nail on the head. H expected D to be as excited as he was about the birth and how it almost happened on her b-day.
H lost his Dad suddenly and unexpectedly when he was 9. Essentially, he lost his Mom too. She never truly got over losing his Dad and just wasn't the same ever again. She told her boys (H and brother) that if it wasn't for them she would have joined their Dad. She moved them into an apartment over her brother and his family. Her brother, much to his wife's discontent, included his sister and the boys in almost all of their family activities, so you might have something there with the theory of the blended family.
Our children have never shown happiness about what their father has done and have not shown any acceptance of the ow or her family. S24 hasn't talked to his Dad since he left. D18 refuses to meet ow. S27 has only met her through functions that had to do with the place that both he and his Dad work. D13 met ow for the first time in April when she went on vacation with them. It didn't go well between her and ow. D13 hasn't been included when ow's been around since.
I just don't understand how H could think that D13 would be OK with him blowing her off on her b-day. I believe he could care less as it's still all about him and whatever he wants to do. He figures that he's the victim in all of this and that his children are childish asses (his words)and it's their loss for not accepting the life he's chosen.
These are some of the reasons I believe H is deep in MLC. It was the only thing that came close to explaining how a man who had previously placed his family and providing for them above all else, went off the deep end and is the opposite of the man that we used to know.
I've had a bit of time to be brutally honest about me and our marriage. While definitely not perfect, I still can't find anything that was so wrong to have caused this. Therefore, I do have compassion for how messed up H is, and know there's not a thing I can do about it. I feel so deeply sorry about what H and the kids are missing out on by no longer being a family. One thing I don't think I'll ever be able to get used to is how H can either not see or care about what this does to our kids.
Brook, I hear you about about how saying anything to H will fall on deaf ears. TBH though, I'm really having a tough time holding back right now...
