I honestly figured when it came down to it, you would do what was right. And you excused it by saying you didn't feel welcomed to visit her, based on nothing. And that you two argued a year ago over her letting ow live in her home, so therefore you are excused from doing the right thing. You seem to be accustomed to living this way, and you use your FEELINGS to excuse everything you don't want to do. You are no longer a child, you are at an age where we women should be able to put aside our feelings to do all sort of things we don't like, including making things right with family members who we feel have wronged us. My own mother sent my sisters and me away when my stepfather told her either we go or he goes. Yet, I forgave her. Remember, she is the one lying in the hospital bed, you are the one who can leave any time she wants. There comes a time that it will be too late to make it right. You have so much fear to overcome, that is what stands between you and any sort of happiness and moving forward with your life. As you have probably read here, parents whether they like the decisions their children make or not, will go along rather than to alienate them. That is what your MIL did. Right or wrong, she stood with her S. I personally find it disgusting to condone such behavior, but then many, if not most people in this world, have a different moral perspective than I, or you do. Besides, she possibly felt attacked by you a year ago, when you argued. She may have hated what your H was (and is) doing, but couldn't take your side in the matter. She may have spoken to him in private to express her disapproval; I can't imagine a mother who wouldn't.
No one can force you to do the right thing, it's all up to you.
I will pray for you and your sitch, that the Lord will give you guidance in your life. vc
