I think you definitely don't want to go back to the M that's been in jeopardy over these past few years. I think your H has to be motivated at some point to work on himself. Meanwhile, you have the opportunity to work on yourself. Maybe when you don't have the kids, it's time to mix it up a little. Find some things that occasionally you would like to do, but haven't. (Please forgive if I'm repeating myself).
At the very least, you should detach from your H's emotions and stay off his roller coaster. It sounds like you're establishing some boundaries, and that's good.
