Interesting convo, yes. Well...I guess I just knew a lot more about relationships than he did, so I was sure that if we tried to turn it around, we could. *I knew that no R is "perfect", everybody has their problems. *I knew that every long-term R has its ups & downs and cycles. *I knew what the danger signs of emotional infidelity were. *I knew what depression felt like and that when depressed, your outlook and perspective on your R's can be very negative if you don't recognize that it is the depression affecting you. *I knew that women tend to be the ones to "complain" in an R because we are the "caretakers" of our emotional relationships. Often women are the ones who push things to the point of conflict because unresolved problems can fester. (as most of us have learned the hard way. Men tend not to hear that loving motivation behind their wives "complaints"---all they hear is that we are being "bitches" or "don't like of love them anymore". The conflict-avoiding guys ESPECIALLY don't get it, and the women who do that just keep turning up the volume which leads to cycles like David and Pam describe. Been there! Sigh.
I knew all of that, but Wolfie didn't. He learned all of that stuff last year.
Even when I was ready to give up, I didn't consider being unfaithful. Even after the bomb, when I was bellowing around like a mortally wounded animal, I didn't consider being unfaithful. Maybe I'm like Sage...hardwired against it. Maybe I knew deep down that no A was going to ease my broken heart. The only reason I considered it at all was that I wanted to hurt Wolfie at first. I wanted him to feel as much pain as I felt--to be absolutely devistated.
Unfortunately, there were things that I knew about that, too. There were only two things that could heal me...lot's and lot's of time or Wolfie coming home and working with me to rebuild a better R. I'm very thankful that it was the last thing, but it sure took some time and convincing for Wolfie to see that he really is the love of my life--even after he hurt me so.
I guess when you have gained enough knowledge and you "know" all of this stuff, it's hard to be in denial and go to Lala land yourself. Lala land is full of smoke and mirrors to hide from yourself, but you can't do that forever...and when you can't hide anymore...you have to face the remorse and regret someday.
