It's as Clear as Mud

[RMC]

Shiny,
Oh Yeah. I thought about it. It was purely out of extreme lonliness and pain though.

I fantasized about someone to talk to, that would call me and would WANT to be with me.

All the things my H was not doing.
Yep, I had PLENTY of opportunities to act on it too.

Lots of invitations, but I never took any of them.
BOY, it was tempting because I knew it would ease my pain, and I was in ALOT of pain.

The thing I kept thinking though was how could I do the very thing that I condemed him for? What would that make me?
No better than him.

Not only that, but I was a WAW 12 yrs ago and I promised him I would never leave him or cheat on him-ever.
I take that very seriously even after what he did.

I would gout with my best friend who is single and we'd dance and talk to people but that was it. I never crossed the line.

I think if I had had enough and was ready to call it quits, I might have had a different attitude-MAYBE but, I wanted my H back. I loved him and could not imagine anyone filling his place in my life.

I could not imagine haivng anyone else share the joy of our grandchildren or our kids with me.

I could not imagine anyone in our home that we designed and built together.
All that stuff.

Truthfully, I'm not as opposed to another R if my H does not snap out of this because I've been doing this a LONG time and he runs hot and cold.

I'd have to be totally done with my H though before I did anything.

I know alot of us probably have those thoughts out of our lonliness, so don't feel bad about it. Rachael