new to the Big D

[ClingingToHope]

From what I've read here that right of first refusal thing really doesn't mean anything. It's in my agreement too, but what if XW or I decide not to follow it? I'd have to hire an attorney to make a stink, which would accomplish ????

Just be prepared.

The unsolicited advice or help thing.

Imagine this scenario. What if a neighbor you know really well realized your dogs were inside and not cared for and that neighbor walked over, found the door open and went in and cleaned up for you.

Would you be grateful or angry? I'm betting you'd be grateful.

The reason I bring it up is that I no longer give XW advice unless she specifically asks for it. But on occasion I pitch in when I see a need. We had a massive snow storm this winter with 16 inches. With the blowing snow, my drive way had three feet of snow on it.

I was up at 3 a.m. shoveling and it took me two hours. Then I trudged down to XW's (she lives three blocks from me) and saw it was five feet high next to the garage door. And I shoveled it all away.

The girls said later that day that XW spent a while shoveling the sidewalks and then warned them she was going to be shoveling the driveway for a couple of hours. Then she opened the garage door and voila, no snow.

The girls asked if I did it. I said yes. I had the time. I also shoveled my elderly neighbor's that day and my uncle's.

XW never thanked me. I also have never brought it up. I still feel it was a good deed.

Funny thing. I was having problems early in the separation snooping. I was over at the house alot because of the kids and I'd look around.

I made a major step forward when I gave her my key and switched the afternoon routine so the girls came directly to my house.

I didn't want access to the house anymore -- even though I can get in if I really want.

Two years later, XW wants to give me a key because she says she can't trust her mom or sister to help her out if there's an emergency.

Funny how that works out.