Wife no longer in love with me - Part 2

[Denver_2010]

I never gave her space, and she never took it.....she would always call me each night to talk about the day.

Okay... so now give her this space. She needs, and you probably do too.

Make her feel panicky and stressed, one day after she said she wanted a divorce i called her 20 times - WTF! Who does that??

Pretty much everyone here Cam... that's who. LOL... Your reaction was not good, but it was pretty typical.

Have to avoid making your W feel panicky and/or stressed from this point forward though.

Her 11yr old niece emails me to say hi one day. I tell her what's happened with our M, which upsets her. I tell her to call her auntie and tell her not to divorce me. Again WTF!! Why did I do that? W was livid about that one.

A new one I have to admit... but still, your actions were not all that out of the ordinary.

You panicked and looked everywhere and at everyone for a help... pretty much everyone on this board has been there.

I get a lawyer and she tells me to change the locks on the house so W can't come and take stuff and can't have access since she isn't paying the mortgage. I do this, not sure why, I think out if anger or spite. Probably the first thing I have done out of anger.

Probably good legal advice, but not good marital advice... LOL... When taking any action or speaking any words, think to yourself:

1) Is this going to help or hurt my chances of reconciling my M? is this going to draw my W closer to me, or push her farther away?

2) Am I keeping my W's road home 'paved and smooth' by doing this?

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There may be other posters here who strongly disagree with this, but IMO, you should write your W a short letter or email stating ONE time:

"W, I just want to apologize for some of my actions over the past several months. I panicked and acted irrationally when the reality of the possibility of losing you and our M hit me. I have never gone through this before and simply did not know how to act. I apologize.

W, I understand that you want to divorce me, and I completely understand why you feel that way. I was not the H that you deserved and you are right about many things that I could have done so much better during our M. I know that now. I do not want this divorce and my preference is that we do everything in our power to fix it. I will not stand in your way though. Cam"

ONE time Cam... and then, you go LRT for 4-6 weeks. Then see where you are at. You HAVE to be strict with yourself during this 4-6 weeks. I suggest 6 weeks btw.

The reason that I suggest the letter/email is so that the last thing that your W hears/sees from you is rational, non pressuring words, that clearly state what you want (to fix the M).

I'm a bit bothered about you going dim/dark when your W's last impression of you seems to be the panicked version of yourself.

But again... after sending this to her, stop all R talk, stop initiating contact, No 'I love you's' or 'I miss you's' ... No more gifts... no more cards...

NO contact UNLESS she initiates and then... keep is light, cheerful, short, and to the point... and try to be the one to end the convos.

Good luck...

BITS
Denver