There is no question that I should be dropping the rope... my W has this nasty habit of drawing me back in every couple of weeks though.
Denver,
So did mine, kept me hanging on until she finally opted for the OM. Wiped me out for a good couple of months afterwards. I'm now in a really good place since we have ceased seeing each other. Gotta go, she's just arrived.
FF
Me 48 W 49 D19, S17, D14 Together 25yr, Married 22yr Me checked-out July 10, back Sept 10 W checked out Nov 10 Separated Dec 10 ILYBNILWY 2nd Apr 11 We're finished + D bomb 17th Apr 11
Stop waiting for your W to get her head out of her a$$...
That isn't up to you...
You are still trying to manipulate the situation.
If you weren't, you wouldn't be so upset that she hasn't responded to a few moments of transparency from you and a few moments of showing her the changed Denver.
Reality, you have tried just as hard to make her jealous and change her mind that way by flirting with other women as you have by being open and honest about what is in your heart.
Your words and actions aren't matching up. Sorry.
You could rent a billboard and proclaim your undying love there and right now, it would seem no more believable because of your lack of consistency.
Not in contact/NC...
But in what you are showing her.
She needs to see it, and even with little contact, she will (they do see it believe it or not), and she needs to see it consistently and for a long time...
That doesn't happen by checking her email, by dating OW, by flirting...
It happens when you live and appear happy and content. By yourself. Not with other people.
It is really up to you.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
The problem is, she just doesn't seem to be getting it.
It's like she is trying to convince herself that I am still this horrible guy who could never change.
You don't know this.
Stop assuming you know how she feels.
you are right Drew... thanks.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Stop waiting for your W to get her head out of her a$$...
That isn't up to you...
You are still trying to manipulate the situation.
If you weren't, you wouldn't be so upset that she hasn't responded to a few moments of transparency from you and a few moments of showing her the changed Denver.
Reality, you have tried just as hard to make her jealous and change her mind that way by flirting with other women as you have by being open and honest about what is in your heart.
Your words and actions aren't matching up. Sorry.
You could rent a billboard and proclaim your undying love there and right now, it would seem no more believable because of your lack of consistency.
Not in contact/NC...
But in what you are showing her.
She needs to see it, and even with little contact, she will (they do see it believe it or not), and she needs to see it consistently and for a long time...
That doesn't happen by checking her email, by dating OW, by flirting...
It happens when you live and appear happy and content. By yourself. Not with other people.
It is really up to you.
Cat - Thanks. I know that you are right. I have backslid a few times for sure. I'm trying to get to the point that you, MHL and others are telling me I need to be. I really am.
Right now though... I just really miss my W and SS. It has only been one month since I was spending every minute of every day with them for a week at Disney World.
It is taking every fiber of my being and will power to NOT reach out to W right now.
Because I know that this isn't up to me...
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I understand where you are coming from. It's like a drug (or so I imagine). We get a little taste of the WAS in our lives and we want more and more. We need our fix, and it takes a lot out of us to resist that temptation.
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
I still visit these boards, I'm divorced and very happy in another relationship so take what I say with a pinch of salt.
You have had so much good advice you are one of the lucky ones, your wife is still invested,just see how angry she gets, that my friend believe it or not is your biggest asset.
Have faith in yourself to be yourself and watch the results.
Search for a guy named Nomopo, don't know what happend to him but every time I read your sitch he pops im my head
In the words of the guy I admired the most (Bworl)
Blessings Charlie
Me 39 W 39 D8 S5 Married 13yrs Together 20years EA June 06 Ilyninlwy Jan 07 Seperated Jan 07
Your Consistent changes + Time = change SHE CAN believe in.
She MAY not choose to believe in the changes, but she sure as heck won't believe you if you keep drawing lines in the sand
and then crossing them.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Your Consistent changes + Time = change SHE CAN believe in.
She MAY not choose to believe in the changes, but she sure as heck won't believe you if you keep drawing lines in the sand
and then crossing them.
25 & CS... thank you guys. I know that you are both correct. I cannot reach out to her.
I have drawn my line in the sand and I must adhere to it.
I need to give this time.
Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Denver - You can do it. You know that reaching out would be taking a step backward and you'll never be moving forward until you live through this part of the process. I'm rooting for you so hard!
Me: 33, H: 32 M: 12 years T: 13 years No kids D-Day: 7/2009 Separated: 10/12/10 Future Unknown GITS
"There's a fire starting in my heart, reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark." - Adele
)