Considering I've been physically separated from my H for more than a month and we do have a divorce on file (although it's gathering cobwebs), I thought this may be a better forum for me to post in. Hopefully my current DB friends will find me here and I'll meet some new ones, as well.
I'm trying to figure out what I want to happen in my marriage. I have fought hard (but rarely the right way) to save our marriage for three years now. I am beginning to wonder what my true motivation is. Do I really want to spend the rest of my life with him, or do I just want to "be" married to him while our kids are growing up? Do I still love my husband? So many things that have happened have caused me to lose great respect for him, as well as trust in him. I still like and love many things about him, but is that enough? His relationship with my family has been destroyed (I do not think they will ever "accept" him again); how will this play out over a lifetime together? Am I just too afraid to be divorced, too afraid to be on my own?
These are the things I'm trying to figure out so I can know what my goals need to be. Any advice out there on how to find the answers?
We have four kids together, and therefore are in contact on a regular basis to coordinate activities, etc. I see him everyday, as he drives two of the kids to school and I drive the other two. How do I move on and detach from him when he is part of my every day? It's like we are still married, just live in different homes. Is any of this typing-out-loud making sense?
Advice is greatly appreciated. 2x4s are welcome as needed.
