I am new to the DB online world, however have been actively DBing for 6 months. My husband dropped the bomb a year and a half ago with I don't love you anymore etc. Last summer we attempted counseling without success. I think in retrospect he was in the angry phase of his MCL. The 6 or so sessions we had with the counselor were spent with husband spewing hostile and angry accuasations at me, so I told the C and H that I did not think Counseling was productive at this time.
We spent the next year esseentially in limbo land. I have been meeting with a DB coach off and on this past year. Lots of good advice and help from her. She feels my H is in a MLC and she helped me with 180's and detaching methods. Our situation is a little odd in that as my husband woudl say, "we live together really well". We don't have horrible arguments or ugly words. He states he has been emotionally distant from our relationship for years. He would like to have a relationship with someone he feels he would like to marry all over again tomorrow. He is an attorney and he says he sees couples in middle age so much in love, and he wants to be one of those, but that he can't with me because it is too little too late. It is pretty much the classic story.
I have suggested he go out in the world and find his bliss. that he is free to go. For a year he did nothing to act on this. This summer he found a rental house about 5 minutes from our home. He plans to move out Sept 1st. We have three beautiful sons. S1 is 21, S2 is 19 and S3 is 17 and will be a senior this year in highschool. last weekend all three were home and H told them he was moving out to have some distance. They were told last Thanksgiving that we were struggling and working on our relationship, so it did not come as a huge shock. But the response from our boys just about killed me. They wept. It was the hardest thing I have ever witnessed. Later H said he thought it went really well, that they are such great young men and they were so adult in their response. I wanted to say that he was drinking his own koolaid, but I refrained and said that I saw it very differently.
I now measure each moment in my life as good when I don't feel like I have to throw up. I feel like I am going through the day sucker punched continuously. He will leave in the next week or so. I tried to get him to move out immediately per the advice of my DB coach, but he said he couldn't do that with the lease agreement.
My question for anyone out there is this: How do I act with him now that he has finally taken the initiative to move out? Do I act like the friend he would like to come home to? (he would like this, much cleaner for him) Or do I go dark?, which I know something about but I could use some helpful tips with this, as it is not my nature. I am hoping the five of us survive this rollercoaster ride.
