Wife no longer in love with me - Part 2

[Denver_2010]

Thanks Denver.

I have read the LRT chapter...I bought the Divorce Busting book, I couldn't find the DR one here, is there much difference?

I think that DR is a bit more step by step than DB... I like it better. See if you can order DR online.

So if I am not to initiate any contact, should I respond to her text re collecting her stuff, or just ignore it?

I would tell you to respond when SHE initiates contact. But keep your response cheerful, short and to the point.

EX: "Hey there! How about next Saturday you come by and pick up your stuff at 2ish? I will be out doing x,y, and z. Just let yourself in. Please be sure to lock up when you leave. Have a good one W!"

I have been trying to implement this strategy, and have not initiated any contact for a while now and wasn't going to. It's just when she surprises me like this morning with contact that it throws me off and I don't know what to do.

If you are finding that you are nervous and anxious when she initiates contact, take some time before you have the conversation. If it is a text, take a couple of hours before you respond so that you can think about how you can be cheerful, short, and to the point.

If it is a telephone call, tell your W that you are busy and ask if you can call her back in a couple of hours.

This will give you time to do what you need to do to relax. Have a ONE drink if it helps.

You need to be calm, cool, confident, and collected... 4 C's.

I do agree with the things that contributed to the M breakdown from her perspective. I have been thinking about this a lot, and I know my faults and recognise and accept them. I look back at some of my actions and words and I am ashamed I did that and behaved like that. It’s not me, and I was not raised or educated that way. I was in the wrong and I accept that.

Thanks for your support.

Take responsibility for what you did Cam. Lord knows that i beat the hell out of myself for months for the things that i did that drove my W away ... i still do quite a bit. But, we cannot change the past. We hold ourselves accountable and then we have to forgive ourselves for what we did.

I am still working on the forgiving myself part, so I know how hard this is.

Remember that you did the best that you could with the tools that you had at the time. You are human.

BUT... now is the time to get yourself new tools... this is where identifying problems and issues with your behaviors, getting to the root of them, and fixing them, comes into play.

This is what you can control right now Cam. While you are giving the 4-6 week strategy with your W a try, work on yourself. This way, if and when you do start having contact with your w again, you will have some positive changes that she will hopefully recognize...

And if she doesn't... then you have changed for the better, for yourself... and any future R ... whether it be with your W or someone else.

BITS
Denver