Epilogue..................

[Denver_2010]

2,
Kindda hoping you did it for the old cool dude and yourself, no one else.
Sometimes the moral high horse? Sometimes that's one muther loving comfy chair to be in.

Jack I thought Denver had the J3B rights? Nice of you to stop by and pay a rare visit. Does it feel good to have the moral high ground? To be honest with you bud, did not even think about it just saw a need and filled it. It was not till after that I started to question my decision but what is done is done.

2 Step.
Well done.
You looked at yourself before acting. You realized that the reasons you didn't want to help were not loving. Not loving to your x or yourself. Maybe if you were like "giving her $ enables her to use me, or I'm doing this to get her back" but they weren't.
You're intentions and actions were loving for BOTH of you. IMHO - When you come from a truly loving place, you can't go wrong. Kudos!

Valeska I have read some of your post and I must say I like what you have to say. You give compassionate well-articulated responses to people you are an asset to the boards and I thank you for stopping by.

I did for her what I would have done, what I have done for a close friend. I know awhile back I said I would tell her to stop calling me because it was keeping me from healing and moving forward but I don’t think the death of her grandfather who she was close to is the appropriate time to bring that up.

I'm going to go with the unpopular hard line here and I expect 2x4's but here goes. You won’t be getting any 2x4’s from me…..


Why?

Your WAW was deceitful and turned her back on your M. Agreed at the end of the day this is the outcome. Yes her needs were not met, neither were mine for a while. I can’t change the past and all I can do is what I have done. Ask for forgiveness and hope she found it in her heart to give us another chance, she did not….Life goes on


Your W CHOOSE a path where your she does not want to depend on you. To not support, to not confide, to not protect. And Vice versa. Agree with everything you just said. No arguments from me


All her choices.

BUT...

When it's convenient for her, your W chooses to rely, depend on you. And for what?

Emotional Support? Nope.

Physical support? Nope.

Spiritual support? Nope.

MONEY! MONEY! MONEY!

SO WRONG IN MY BOOK... And very wrong in my book. Again I agree. So why did I do it? Keep reading and I will explain.


You might not agree but maybe just see another point of view.
If she wants help, she has a family.

You are not her family. And she choose that. She deleted me not the other way around. Again I agree

If she wants help she has OM. Almost what I said but I caught myself.


You are not her man and she choose that.

If you ask me, your W has a lot of BA!!S asking you for money.

Did she need you by her side to help get her through her greiving process?

Of course not.

Because she does not need you for that.

She needed MONEY..

Your wife made her decision and now needs to live with the decision she made.

Sorry if it's harsh. And I realize that I will now be demonized for being angry. But I feel it's OK to be angry in a situation like this. Again not by me. Look Sad I don’t need flowers and lollipops and although I don’t necessarily want a hammer every time some brutal truths never hurt anybody. Does not mean I agree all the time but I am a big boy and will have to determine for myself what advice I can use and what I should not use. In your case I don’t disagree with you all that much.


It just feel it was wrong.

Well Sad here is the deal

This reminds me of a classmate I had back in 7th grade. I was part of the ‘cool’ kids and he was a pain in the a$$. I did not like him because he was sneaky and looked for reasons to pi$$ us off and then act like the sweetest kid in the world. The nicer he was to me the more he irritated me. One day I got so pi$$ed I punched him and I got 5 days detention along with a swift ass beating when I got home from my dad.

The guy could always get under my skin because he was nice to me but nice in a sneaky way if you know what I mean.

All these years later I remember that kid because he taught me a lesson in life.

The hammer is not always the best approach when reacting to someone, as a matter of fact sometimes responding with kindness against aggression is really the best lesson you can teach someone.

All the points you made up there are solid and they are right but at the end of the day the bitterness she will feel because of the wreckage she has caused will be more valuable than the stupid $600 I spent.

This is by no means an attempt on my part to teach her a lesson; life will do that not me. However it became almost a mission to me to respond with kindness whenever she did not show any towards me and it was not because I was the better person it was, I must admit, for selfish reasons. When you wrong others and they respond kindly you become sick with regret and shame, when they lash out in return you escalate your anger towards them or walk away thinking “that guy is such a prick”.

I have been taught that many times in my life and there is no better way to put that lesson into practice than in this scenario.

Was I justified in turning her down? You bet

Was it wrong of her to even ask me for the money? Yup

Is it my problem? Not even a little bit

Do I hope to gain something or save anything by doing this? Just the satisfaction that despite all the crap I have swallowed I can still treat someone who has wrong me with some class and grace.

The sense I have of being taken advantage of is that of someone who did not act with a pure heart and a sign that I still have much growth to do but I am getting there.

Will this happen again? Not a chance in hell because I am not an ATM and because she lives the choices of her decisions.

So by all means sad, post away…………..your points are not lost to me.

^^^^ Nicely said 2Step...

You did the right thing.