I was just checking on my friends on the board and saw this. I am so very sorry. How did you find out this is happening? Did your wife contact you by text, phone, in person? Is her 21-yr-old son still living with her part-time as well?
Just know that I am so very sorry for what you are going through, I'm praying for you right now and good things ARE in store for you. I believe that with all my heart. You know where to find me. Take care, friend. xo, lc4
Picked up SS21 at his day program as a favor to his stepmother; usually she gets him on Wednesday afternoons, but couldn't today. No problem. I was glad to see him, it's been almost a month.
On the way to my house I asked the usual questions: how was his day, what did he do, what did he have for lunch, etc. Then I asked him how he liked his Mom's new house. His reply:
SS21: Mr. R****(OM) and Miss D****(OM's mother) are coming!"
The dry mouth, the tightness in the chest, the icepick in the heart...all came rushing in.
M: What do you mean, they're coming?
SS21: Mr. R**** and Miss D**** are coming to live with Mom!"
He was very excited about it.
We got to my house, SS21 got on the computer to play his games and I called W. After chit-chat about SS21's day, I said:
M: SS21 said (OM) and (OM's mother) are coming to live with you.
Silence.
W: I was going to talk to you about that.
M: I see. So what is going on?
W: (OM's mother) can't take the thin air anymore, so her dr. told her she has to move. I asked her to move in with me.
M: I see. And when will this happen?
W: Next week.
M: I see. And what about (OM)?
W: He's moving here as soon as his work runs out. (Apparently he has some temporary employment)
M: I see. And where will he be living?
W: Here. With me. But there's nothing going on between us.
M: I see. So it's you, (OM), (OM's mother) and SS21 all living in a 2 bedroom condo?
Silence.
M: (W), that's it. I've taken all I'm willing to take. I will not be in an open marriage, nor will I be in a marriage with you doing what you are doing. Find a mediator, let me know when we meet and please get the rest of your belongings out of my house as soon as possible.
W, who is starting to cry: Can we talk about this?
M: Nothing to really talk about, is there? Let me know when we sit down with a mediator. Goodbye.
And that's it. I feel sad, angry, hurt, relieved, confused and still a little numb.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
Thanks, jb, lc4 and JustStunned (yeah, I'm a little stunned, too...). I truly appreciate all the support that flows around here.
It's strange...I had held out hope for reconciliation; would think, "Let's wait a few months and see how we feel. Maybe we can start dating again, and then, who knows?"
But there was always that little voice deep inside saying, "Nah. It will never happen."
So my worst fears have been confirmed. I feel surprisingly relieved, along with the other emotions. Tomorrow I may be a basket case, but right now, I'm OK.
Or in shock. One or the other...
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
Picked up SS21 at his day program as a favor to his stepmother; usually she gets him on Wednesday afternoons, but couldn't today. No problem. I was glad to see him, it's been almost a month.
On the way to my house I asked the usual questions: how was his day, what did he do, what did he have for lunch, etc. Then I asked him how he liked his Mom's new house. His reply:
SS21: Mr. R****(OM) and Miss D****(OM's mother) are coming!"
The dry mouth, the tightness in the chest, the icepick in the heart...all came rushing in.
M: What do you mean, they're coming?
SS21: Mr. R**** and Miss D**** are coming to live with Mom!"
He was very excited about it.
We got to my house, SS21 got on the computer to play his games and I called W. After chit-chat about SS21's day, I said:
M: SS21 said (OM) and (OM's mother) are coming to live with you.
Silence.
W: I was going to talk to you about that.
M: I see. So what is going on?
W: (OM's mother) can't take the thin air anymore, so her dr. told her she has to move. I asked her to move in with me.
M: I see. And when will this happen?
W: Next week.
M: I see. And what about (OM)?
W: He's moving here as soon as his work runs out. (Apparently he has some temporary employment)
M: I see. And where will he be living?
W: Here. With me. But there's nothing going on between us.
M: I see. So it's you, (OM), (OM's mother) and SS21 all living in a 2 bedroom condo?
Silence.
M: (W), that's it. I've taken all I'm willing to take. I will not be in an open marriage, nor will I be in a marriage with you doing what you are doing. Find a mediator, let me know when we meet and please get the rest of your belongings out of my house as soon as possible.
W, who is starting to cry: Can we talk about this?
M: Nothing to really talk about, is there? Let me know when we sit down with a mediator. Goodbye.
And that's it. I feel sad, angry, hurt, relieved, confused and still a little numb.
I'm sorry Telemark... you have fought a good fight. You stood for your M. It is your W's loss my friend.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Sorry Telemark - I can only imagine your feelings at this point. I think you did the right thing, under the circumstances. Frankly, I think you handled it with as much class as one could be expected to at this point. Who knows what might come of it?
What is clear from following your sitch, is that you are in a much better place to handle whatever comes your way. The next few days may be challenging, but you are far better equipped to handle it.
Hang in there.
M: 32 W: 29 T: 9 Years M: 4 Years I hit rock bottom: 2/11 PA admitted: 4/11 WAW: 5/11 D filed: 6/11 now: Patience, wisdom, and growth - hopefully.
