New and Suffering

[TeaEarlGreyHot]

Well, the good news is that you are finding out about these OM. The bad news is that you are finding out about these OM.

I know it hurts and thers the potential for lots of anger there. Anger, disappointment, embarassment are okay to express. Just not as rage. I don't get the sense that you are there, but we all have are breaking points and when in unknown territory it can get pretty dicey.

In terms of the minmal aspect, let me give you some perspective on that...she has messed up and she knows it. Every foray into this wrong is just another reminder. In one sense it like whistling past the graveyard because we don't or won't talk openly about death, particularly about our own because ti reminds us that we are going to die one day.

But in that fear (of death or even talking/thinking about death) we forget something very important....there is a life to live, to love and to share between then and now, and we don't have forever for that.

So, too, is it with any kind of affair. It will always be there and it will change or define everything from here on out. This does not have to be for the worse.

Give space carefully and if you do, let her know that you are giving space knowing and thoughtfully for the purpose of her working stuff out. And just because you give her space does not mean that it is forgotten or "settled." it won't be until both of you have had a chance to say everything there is to be said on this and related matters and then you can both declare it "the past" and move on to a new present and future in your relationship.

That does not assure that your relationship will be one spent together, but I think it gives you a better chance than not.

The Captain