My IC was my MC first. I thought since she already knew w, she could help me with sitch. And she did, but not the way I expected. One session I was talking about everything and IC looks at me as says "I think the healthiest thing for you would be to get w out of your life. Why would you want someone in your life who does not care about you". Oh man.. I had never been angrier in my life. So angry.. I haven't been back. (even though 25 said.. if you get angry, there is usually some truth to it)
Cut to 2 months later. She was right. My w's games, the emotional push and pull.. kill me inside. It confuses me, makes me believe there is something there, that is not. It makes me stop taking care of myself. I haven't spoken to my w in 3 wks and man does my life feel positive and calm.
So I told w it confused me and you know what my w said "Every day I wake up, I decide if I want you in my life. The days I do, I reach out. Most days I don't". And although I understood how hard it was for her and how guilty she was feeling.. it was when it all clicked. Because every day I wake up and decide to forgive my w, love my w, not hurt my w, etc. Some days I don't feel like it, but ya know what.. tough kitty poo. It's who I wanted to be. It's what she deserves and I deserve so I needed to suKK it up and change. It was that day I realized that my w truly didn't care, had no desire to change, and those glimpses where just shadows of a person I wanted her so desperately to be.
I guess my point to the story is that 1) sometimes the advice we get defensive about the most, is the one that does the most good for us. And 2) my w only pulled me in when she felt I was slipping away or enjoying my GAL. But not in the way DR talks about. It was in a selfish way.
If your h is pulling you along (which only you know) than it's up to YOU to do something about it. I encourage you to REALLY look at everything. Deep down we know our spouses motives. We just might not like to acknowledge them.
You already started taking the steps to get healthier. Keep going. You are so worth it.
Keep posting, Keep DBing. Become stronger. He will continue to test you. He will continue to try to hold on. Why? Because he's scared to lose you but too scared to change his ways.
And remember.. there are those of us who go from being Plan B to Plan A to our spouses. There are others (like myself) who will go from being a Plan B to my spouse, to a Plan A to a future partner. Either way, BOTH options are awesome!
(( ))
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
