WTF?!?! - Artpay Otway

[Denver_2010]

I can't be since I am trying to 'move forward' with my life and let her miss me

What's wrong with that sentence?

The quotations around "move forward"...

Not going to lie Jack... I'm struggling with actually doing this. I was doing much better 2 weeks ago when I hadn't been having contact with my W. Since she told me that she "loved me and missed me" 2 weeks ago, and continued with the pointless contact though, I have taken a major step backwards.

That's why I put 'move forward' in quotations.

I have spent the past few days doing a lot of feeling sorry for myself (even though I did win a minor criminal trial yesterday)...

And I find myself obsessing over reaching out to my W and trying to fix this... you would think that after 9 months that I would figure out that I can't do this...

My mind continues to work like a hamster on a wheel.

[Denver_2010]

^^^^^^^Agreed

There is no question that I should be dropping the rope... my W has this nasty habit of drawing me back in every couple of weeks though.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

For me?

"and let her miss me"

means you're reacting, that it's a ploy, there is a string attached. You're doing this with an expectation that she will miss you.

[25yearsmlc]

I have told W a number of times that I am so sorry that I didn't respect how she felt about these things

So stop telling her.

That I would never do that to her again.

And WHEN SHE GIVES YOU THE CHANCE - show her.

Just show her.

If you tell her that you're showing her - you're back to square one.

I have tried Drew.

Um...except YOU checked HER messages in Disneyland, remember? And then you got all mad at HER.

And when she asked you a straightforward question about OW and sex, you got all wordy and legalese on her...(and I should know.) Why didn't you just say "We just began dating and I have not slept with her" OR

"we're just friends and I have NOT slept with her", etc...see how much faster those answers are ?


There have been a couple of different times when I have had an opportunity to show her that I don't have a problem with her having a password of mine... for example with my phone when we were at disney land and she needed to use the navigation on my phone.

hey, this seems so small to me....Denver, "scorecard much"?

The problem is, she just doesn't seem to be getting it.

It's like she is trying to convince herself that I am still this horrible guy who could never change.

^^^that belief is probably her safety mechanism. She thinks it protects her.

Somehow she's simply going to have to become more UNcomfortable without you in her life, than with you.

Figure out what you can do help that happen, while knowing you can only do your part.

[Denver_2010]

I have told W a number of times that I am so sorry that I didn't respect how she felt about these things

So stop telling her.

That I would never do that to her again.

And WHEN SHE GIVES YOU THE CHANCE - show her.

Just show her.

If you tell her that you're showing her - you're back to square one.

I have tried Drew.

Um...except YOU checked HER messages in Disneyland, remember? And then you got all mad at HER.

And when she asked you a straightforward question about OW and sex, you got all wordy and legalese on her...(and I should know.) Why didn't you just say "We just began dating and I have not slept with her" OR

"we're just friends and I have NOT slept with her", etc...see how much faster those answers are ?


There have been a couple of different times when I have had an opportunity to show her that I don't have a problem with her having a password of mine... for example with my phone when we were at disney land and she needed to use the navigation on my phone.

hey, this seems so small to me....Denver, "scorecard much"?

The problem is, she just doesn't seem to be getting it.

It's like she is trying to convince herself that I am still this horrible guy who could never change.

^^^that belief is probably her safety mechanism. She thinks it protects her.

Somehow she's simply going to have to become more UNcomfortable without you in her life, than with you.

Figure out what you can do help that happen, while knowing you can only do your part.

Points taken 25.

D

[MHL]

I was very sad last night knowing that they were at the concert and I was not.

I miss both of them more than I can express in words.

I know this is painful right now, however it is a testiment to the Man you are Denver.....

These are the times that build character, resilience, strength........while I know you are suffering, I see you moving and changing.

You are looking at the people around you differently, things that you used to care about will start to fade in importance and you will start to value things that you did not even see before.

You do have TIME on your side........let it be your friend....when you are suffering don't look at the calendar, look at the second hand on the clock.......get to the next minute, the next hour, the next day.......it does work.

THIS IS huge for me. I was just complaining last night that THIS is not working. My fellow bits reminded me that I have given it less than a month. That I need to give it at least 1/2 of the amount of time that I gave my previous approach.

This is the "knowing" part of things......you will feel it later after the time has past.........don't hurry it, it will happen when the time is right.

Try to stay away from any timelines........they set yourself up for disappointment and I honestly believe they delay what it is that you are waiting for.

By the way..........the thing that you are waiting for.......

do you even know what it is?????

I do.

That is why I "do" Little Friday, to remind myself at least once a week.

I spend a lot of time talking with other bits. They have become some of my closest friends. We are traveling to meet over the labor day weekend.

Some of the best GALing you will ever do..........I speak from experience.

I still think you are doing good Denver.......

You are making steps on your journey..........the steps you are taking now are some of the biggest you will take on your journey.

Just as there are many steps behind you there are many more ahead........stop trying to look at the map.......Stop trying to figure out when you are going to get there.......look out the window.....enjoy the scenery.

Cheers

[2stepboogie]

Hey Denver you know where I stand in all of this, no need to keep harping my point.

Stay the course

[Denver_2010]

I was very sad last night knowing that they were at the concert and I was not.

I miss both of them more than I can express in words.

I know this is painful right now, however it is a testiment to the Man you are Denver.....

These are the times that build character, resilience, strength........while I know you are suffering, I see you moving and changing.

You are looking at the people around you differently, things that you used to care about will start to fade in importance and you will start to value things that you did not even see before.

You do have TIME on your side........let it be your friend....when you are suffering don't look at the calendar, look at the second hand on the clock.......get to the next minute, the next hour, the next day.......it does work.

THIS IS huge for me. I was just complaining last night that THIS is not working. My fellow bits reminded me that I have given it less than a month. That I need to give it at least 1/2 of the amount of time that I gave my previous approach.

This is the "knowing" part of things......you will feel it later after the time has past.........don't hurry it, it will happen when the time is right.

Try to stay away from any timelines........they set yourself up for disappointment and I honestly believe they delay what it is that you are waiting for.

By the way..........the thing that you are waiting for.......

do you even know what it is?????

I do.

That is why I "do" Little Friday, to remind myself at least once a week.

I spend a lot of time talking with other bits. They have become some of my closest friends. We are traveling to meet over the labor day weekend.

Some of the best GALing you will ever do..........I speak from experience.

I still think you are doing good Denver.......

You are making steps on your journey..........the steps you are taking now are some of the biggest you will take on your journey.

Just as there are many steps behind you there are many more ahead........stop trying to look at the map.......Stop trying to figure out when you are going to get there.......look out the window.....enjoy the scenery.

Cheers

Thanks MHL. I know that you are trying to get me to a place that I am happy with or without my W... That is what you are saying I should be waiting for.

The reality is though, that, at least right now, I am waiting for my W to get her head out of her a$$ ...

I still believe that this will happen and that it is just a matter of time!

LOL... I'm still uber-positive

BUT... I do need to stop waiting for it to happen and just LET it happen ...

BITS
Denver

[♪CS♪]

There is no question that I should be dropping the rope...

Dropping?

What does it take to drop a rope? Open your hand?

It is not the action of dropping the rope. It is the result of when it is dropped.

my W has this nasty habit of drawing me back in every couple of weeks though.

Because you have not opened your hand yet.

She tugs.

And you get pulled.

Then.... BOY. Do you yank back.

I have to admit Denver. I see you putting little emphasis on half of this process. The YOU process.

So you no longer resist her tugs.

So you don't think about every word you use. Then regret half of them.

Work on the YOU side.

[Drew]

The problem is, she just doesn't seem to be getting it.

It's like she is trying to convince herself that I am still this horrible guy who could never change.

You don't know this.

Stop assuming you know how she feels.