The Lies and Deception Killing Me

[abbey1989]

Hi,

Since I last checked in, so much has happened. I forgot my login and password for awhile!

Our trip was great although since we went with two other families, not very intimate. We did laugh a lot and had a blast in the boat and tubing. As a group we went wine tasting but guess who got carsick on the way there? (ME!!!!) Super attractive!! So I was the only one of the group who didn't taste any wine.

When we returned from the trip, we celebrated our 22nd anniversary. That was fun.......we rode the train up to San Juan Capistrano and had dinner out. Stopped into a country western bar to hear some music while we were there. Nice time!

My beloved 12 year old golden retriever passed away in early August. He fell asleep under a tree and never woke up. I loved him. We all cried (even H - which is unusual). I appreciated having H there that morning because he handled taking care of our little departed pooch. He even cleaned him up so the kids could say their goodbyes (there were ants all over him already). Our other golden is really depressed since then so I've been trying to bring her on car rides and walk with her as much as possible. Almost time for off-leash beach walks (after labor day!).

Last Friday we took D17 up to college. Poor thing was sick to her stomach all the way through L.A. Nerves I suppose. Once she felt better, the 3 of us had a really nice trip. H brought his bike and did a long ride the morning of her move-in. He also did a hike alone. I didn't want to miss a single last minute with my girl. When she asked me to braid her hair that morning I started crying. She always asks me to braid her hair........won't be doing that for awhile. She just laughed and gave me a hug. Probably won't see her until Thanksgiving unless I get a wild hair to do some wine tasting and visit her in Sonoma.

S20 leaves for his new school on Friday. It is only a couple of hours away so I'm sure we'll be seeing him more often. Still...with dog gone, daughter gone and son soon to be gone.....feeling pretty blue. H doesn't have the same feelings. Maybe it is a mom thing. PLUS....his OW in wings. Makes my stomach turn.

I had been hoping that he was no longer involved in her new home construction, but pulled up her permit (public information) and sure enough, he is listed as the contact on a few of the items for the building department - inspections scheduled for just last week!!!!! I rationalize to myself, well maybe he is just being nice and trying to help her out. I could handle that! (maybe) But the fact that he has never once...NOT ONCE...mentioned any involvement in project proves he has something to hide. In fact last year he denied involvement in her project. If there is nothing fishy going on, then why the secrets? And I think....that he thinks....that simply by not sharing his whereabouts....he is not LYING. But it is LYING!

So, I still haven't seen a lawyer, I still want my old life back, I'm tired of feeling like crap. I almost texted him today to ask him about the house that I didn't know he was building. I almost pressed send......but then deleted it. I called him a few times when I saw the permit info and when he finally answered I hung up on him. Then he called back and I was vague and he called a little while later and I was cool and vague.

CRYING AND SAD TODAY. FOR MANY REASONS.

Thanks for listening..........