Denver, I don't want to nitpick every single thing in your m. I really don't want to pile on more either buddy.
But I have to say something about your answer to my question re: "all the secrets" your w referred to in her email (obviously, aside from legally confidential matters). I assumed she was wacking out with her insecurities.
As a married woman I don't get a lot of this behavior. On one hand, I don't feel my h is "entitled" to know what my girlfriends tell me about their private lives. But we know each other's passwords. I think I have looked at his fb page once or twice and I posted a pic on it. He knows mine too, but I doubt he's ever looked.
I have 2 ex bf's from high school/college on FB. I asked h if he minded. He said no. Sometimes I share their posts with h. But - I'd stop in heartbeat if h minded. H just isn't threatened by them or if he is, he hides it well. I have complimented them without flirting, (or so I think.)
It's the hiding that matters, not whether something is actually behind the door, but that the door is locked...make sense?
Denver, I asked you what her comment about the old Denver and "all the secrets" meant, etc. Here is what I heard from your rather verbose response to my question:
"I openly hid things from my w even though it bugged her and I knew it. I heard her, but did not care enough or was too proud/stubborn to stop. I kept in contact with women she was threatened by and kept doing it for years...I gave her reason to distrust me b/c I didn't care how things looked to her. Simply b/c I, Denver, knew I wasn't actually having sex with them, I felt I did nothing wrong " and moreover, blah blah blah....
As I said, I'm Sorry to pile on Denver, but thought you should know how it hit me when I read that answer.
anyhow, carry on. Will post more later...and no, you don't have to have clarity by 9 am tomorrow.
Few of us ever have clarity for long, before something new comes up to confuse us again. Just life.
((( )))
I absolutely recognize that this was wrong of me 25. It is one of the many, many things that I have come to understand over the course of the past 9 months.
I have told W a number of times that I am so sorry that I didn't respect how she felt about these things and that she'd never have to deal with that again. That I would never do that to her again.
I used to be so wrapped up in my fear of losing my independence... my individuality... that I felt that I had a right to this 'secrecy'.
I know longer feel that way at all. In fact, I long for the exact opposite. I want to share everything with my W.
It is one of the reasons that, for the past 6 months, I have been so completely honest with her about everything... including when I decided that I was going to 'date' OW.
I want to be honest with her about everything... including how I feel in my heart. Which... right now I can't be since I am trying to 'move forward' with my life and let her miss me.
It is very frustrating 25.
But I know where I messed up in this area. And it is one thing that I know that I will never repeat again.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
