When life hands you lemons add alcohol and stir!

[mishka422]

I haven't read Passionate Marriage yet. I really should, just haven't had the chance yet. It might help me gain some perspective on how to handle things better.

Victiming? I don't blame him for my feelings. I know that my feelings are mine alone and I need to find the best way to control them. I've come a long way but those triggers are still there and I would doubt they are going to go away. Handling them without falling apart for hours is what I'm working on. At least I didn't break down for days like I used to.

There is no resentment in the R we have, there is a lot of buried pain in it though. There is no way to talk that out. He doesn't want to hear any of it and I can't force him to hear it. Is it fair that I walk around with all of this rattling around in my head and he has no idea? No, but life isn't about what's fair. I'm sure there are things that cause him pain that he has in his head but won't discuss. I have no idea if I have directly caused any of it, but I can guess there is something there.

He's not a talker. I'm a talker by nature but I know where the limits are with him and talking about feelings is a huge wall with him.

So what action would you suggest to reconnect? Our connection causes me confusion as it is. He actually asked me one day how I refer to him in conversation. I told him I'm never really sure how to refer to him. XH brings up WAY too many questions. Marc's dad only works if the person knows Marc. Just Gabe in most other convo. It's very strange. It's like he's nothing and everything at the same time. Bizarre!