Hey, rysmom, I think you should go to see MIL. Just my personal feelings. If you have any apologies to make, if you need to tell her you love her, do it now, before things get too bad for her. When the shtf here, as a part of my showing my H changes in me, I began to repair relationships with everyone, especially my IL's. Then my FIL had to have bypass surgery, then he got cancer. I am so glad our relationship had been "fixed" by then. I helped all I could, with doctor visits, chemo, and doctor visits for my MIL, too. When he died, I knew I had no regrets of leaving undone my letting him know how I was grateful for him. I don't know what your R with your MIL is, but if you feel anything for her, make the effort to see her. Even if there is a chance of ow and H seeing you there. You see that no contact with H hasn't changed anything so maybe time to try something new, have bits of contact here and there. I mean you are working out, playing tennis and stuff, so I am sure you look good, so maybe letting him see you sometimes is a good idea at this time. Just take a deep breath, and do it. I mean, you say you are standing for your M, but you are just maintaining a state of limbo, not moving forward, not moving at all. I fully support standing for a scriptural M, I have done it, and so far so good here.
