TG-dont take it as a personal attack against you. I understand where you are coming from completely. Don't stop posting...I am here to help and support you.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
The fact that you consider not posting anymore is somewhat discouraging considering you have helped so many, I am sure Denver would be sad to see you leave. As we post to others we help ourselves as others post to us they help us.
To each his own I suppose, I for one like the hard truth as is. I was not always ready to hear it, In the beginning I wanted encouragement, I needed it, I craved it. There is plenty of that. However at some point some of the “heavy hitters” started posting and started telling me the facts as they saw it.
A perfect example of that? 25MLC and my main woman Michellle LT.
Hope can be found anywhere for those who are desperate enough to find it or look for it, but a lot of people stay away from the blunt truth that is associated with so many of our sitch.
It is in looking at the hard facts that we begin to accept our reality.
Hope is hope and plenty are willing to give it and if that is what you seek I am sure there will be plenty of posters that would happy to accommodate that. God knows I needed it and thank god they delivered!
Although at one point I began to wonder if what I was receiving was a watered down version of reality.
Thatgirl, I do hope you stick around and offer some support, there are many who love your post.
TG - You need to keep posting. If you don't like what someone posts on your thread, politely ask them to move on.
I'm pretty confident that everyone here who posts on others' threads does so with nothing but good intentions.
People are going to give opinions based on their experience and their perspective.
You recently posted on my thread recognizing that my situation gets multiple opinions on what I should do and how I should see things, and you are right, it does sometimes frustrate me and confuse me.
What I have learned though, is that the best way to go about this is to #1 trust your gut instincts, #2 stick to MWD's philosophy, and #3 take what YOU WANT from the opinions of others. Weed out the advice that you know either does not apply to your situation at the current time, or doesn't fit your philosophy on life.
Ask Jack, Cat, 25MLC, Truegritter, Mach, Starsky, MHL and others... how many times I have blatantly gone against their advice! LOL... I still do it. But they, and others, have ALL offered me something that I have taken and made a part of my approach to my situation. They have ALL made me THINK.
KenF's thought that you need to recognize the reality of your situation may not have been what you WANTED to hear when you opened up your thread, but it really isn't a terrible thing for you to have heard and considered. It doesn't mean that Ken is correct ... you know your H and your situation better than anyone here obviously. But to hear it, and think to yourself, 'am I seeing the reality of this?' doesn't seem like such a terrible thing.
We do need to recognize the reality of our situations at any given moment. AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT. And so what if the reality of our sitch at a given moment is bad? We recognize it, make decisions based upon that reality, and act accordingly.
Keep posting here TG. Personally, I think that going through this alone would be much, much more difficult. Be honest about the facts of your situation so that you can get all perspectives and advice... and then weed out that which doesn't fit you or your situation.
That's my 2 cents!
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I just wanted to note that I didn't intend to never post again, just perhaps not about my sitch. I completely don't want to come across all Cartman on you guys, "Screw you guys, I'm going home!"
I get a lot out of reading other's threads and occasionally, I think I have some insight to share for others. Honestly, there's probably not much anybody can say about my sitch that will help me at this point and I haven't shared as much as other's have about my M because my focus really has been on my PMA and personal growth. I have posted some details with the thought that maybe chronicling the sequence of events might prove beneficial to someone else in the future..
Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and feel entirely differently. We shall see.
Me: 33, H: 32 M: 12 years T: 13 years No kids D-Day: 7/2009 Separated: 10/12/10 Future Unknown GITS
"There's a fire starting in my heart, reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark." - Adele
I have posted some details with the thought that maybe chronicling the sequence of events might prove beneficial to someone else in the future..
I am almost positive that it does. There are so many people who come here, just lurk, and never post.
Loved you South Park reference btw!
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
My IC was my MC first. I thought since she already knew w, she could help me with sitch. And she did, but not the way I expected. One session I was talking about everything and IC looks at me as says "I think the healthiest thing for you would be to get w out of your life. Why would you want someone in your life who does not care about you". Oh man.. I had never been angrier in my life. So angry.. I haven't been back. (even though 25 said.. if you get angry, there is usually some truth to it)
Cut to 2 months later. She was right. My w's games, the emotional push and pull.. kill me inside. It confuses me, makes me believe there is something there, that is not. It makes me stop taking care of myself. I haven't spoken to my w in 3 wks and man does my life feel positive and calm.
So I told w it confused me and you know what my w said "Every day I wake up, I decide if I want you in my life. The days I do, I reach out. Most days I don't". And although I understood how hard it was for her and how guilty she was feeling.. it was when it all clicked. Because every day I wake up and decide to forgive my w, love my w, not hurt my w, etc. Some days I don't feel like it, but ya know what.. tough kitty poo. It's who I wanted to be. It's what she deserves and I deserve so I needed to suKK it up and change. It was that day I realized that my w truly didn't care, had no desire to change, and those glimpses where just shadows of a person I wanted her so desperately to be.
I guess my point to the story is that 1) sometimes the advice we get defensive about the most, is the one that does the most good for us. And 2) my w only pulled me in when she felt I was slipping away or enjoying my GAL. But not in the way DR talks about. It was in a selfish way.
If your h is pulling you along (which only you know) than it's up to YOU to do something about it. I encourage you to REALLY look at everything. Deep down we know our spouses motives. We just might not like to acknowledge them.
You already started taking the steps to get healthier. Keep going. You are so worth it.
Keep posting, Keep DBing. Become stronger. He will continue to test you. He will continue to try to hold on. Why? Because he's scared to lose you but too scared to change his ways.
And remember.. there are those of us who go from being Plan B to Plan A to our spouses. There are others (like myself) who will go from being a Plan B to my spouse, to a Plan A to a future partner. Either way, BOTH options are awesome!
(( ))
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
thatgirl, i have to apologize, its not your posting that needs to stop. its mine. i wrongly assumed that you needed to hear was what i needed. that was callous and inconsiderate. my situation is done, but you are in the midst of yours and need to be able to openly post your feelings without fear of a response like mine.
please keep posting and keep working. i do wish you find peace and a happy solution.
again, i am sorry.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
Ken - no harm, no foul. I am a sensitive ninny and it's all good. Please continue to issue wake-up calls to us newbies as you see fit. I appreciate the apology and I apologize for getting so defensive.
Me: 33, H: 32 M: 12 years T: 13 years No kids D-Day: 7/2009 Separated: 10/12/10 Future Unknown GITS
"There's a fire starting in my heart, reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark." - Adele