Hopeful, My W was a chronic cheater too so I feel your pain. It was very hard for me in the beginning as well. I went to bed crying and woke up crying just like you are now. I always thought of what I could have done differently to try and prevent this but after taking a long hard look at myself and with the help of an IC she helped me realize that there was nothing I could do. Like everyone else here I did contribute to the problems in my M but nothing close that would drive her to have two A's.
Like your H, my W projected all of her anger at me to justify her actions. It wasn't me who drove her to this but they were her issues and her issues ALONE. Once I realized this I stopped beating myself up and really started to work on myself. I am very proud of the father and man I am and continue to grow everyday gaining the tools I need to be the best person I can be.
Unfortunately for me I'm at the end of this M and I'm ok with that. I no longer want to have a R with the alien that has consumed my W.
I'm not saying that is what your results are going to be but just focus on yourself and your D and regardless of what happens you will come out of this a better person to.
Keep your chin up and I'll be praying for you.
There is a difference between knowing the path & walking the path. – Morpheus
