It is nice to see that you guys are getting the underlying motivation behind what the "experienced" or "veteran" DBers are trying to get you to "DO" in the beginning.
You are both taking those beginning steps of your journey....
It is not enough to "know" what it is you need to do for yourself, or even understand the process........
It needs to become a part of "WHO YOU ARE"......
As another vet puts it......."it needs to be a part of your skin" (nickel to Mach).
That is not to say that I do not have those moments......I don't think they ever go away completely........you just know that in the moment that you find yourself "suffering" that it will end and that you will feel better in a little while.
You don't let those moments knock you off track.
You GAL to help you realize that.....
"Life is Good and It is Good to be Alive" (that's mine, BTW ).
Once you living YOUR life again, you will find that you can indeed engage your wayward spouses again and if they say or do something that hurts.........it does not "knock you off track".
I am excited for both of you.......the one thing that is constant in EVERYONE's sitch is TIME.......
In TIME you will arrive at that place and you will be able to look back over your shoulder at the place you came from and while it involved great pain, you will be thankful for it.
Cheers
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
).