Well, Tal, now that you have a brand new, super duper computer with all the gimmicks, you can get yourself in Yahoo messenger and chat with us when the Thunder spirits get too close to comfort... Helps PMA and is way better that Wolfie's rolling of the eyes for spirit exorcism...
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
I am one of those that takes hope in your sitch., but I've also been to the place where he's come home and I was still totally wacked out over the whole thing and could not get past the betrayal at that point. Your handling it much better than I did/am. I know your full of insecurites and still have alot of healing to do. Unfortunately there is no way around that. Your going in the right direction though Tal. I too, am right here with you. Rachael
Tal, I agree, get yahoo IM and chat with the rest of us. It does help! Stay here as long as you want, we can always use advice from someone "who has been there".
We all know you'll cycle through this dip, no problem!
About sharing these tormenting thoughts as they come...Tal, frankly, I don't do this. Did I think about HER watching all those diamond commercials before Christmas? Yes, his last gift to her was a diamond ring )...
Closer to the bombs I would mention these things and it caused CJ so much MORE pain than I'd felt it just seemed...cruel?
Now on the other hand, if CJ were to "catch me" looking blue, I might tell him what was going through my mind...but only because he has asked to know such things.
I certainly can't speak for Wolfie...but CJ doesn't seem to need much help in the "done wrong...feel bad" department.
I don't know, Shiny...he's so, well...matter of fact about it all now. I know he feels guilty, but that's not the same as feeling remorse as that would be more about my feelings than all those "bad boy mea culpas" you know what I mean?
Argh....I had hella bad nightmares last night. I could clearly see a conversation Wolfie was having with OW. This dream did feel like the ones I had last year--the ones that were real. With those kind of dreams, it is hard to tell the walking nightmare from the sleeping nightmare.
I sometimes wish I wasn't one of those who has those kind of gifts. I know that my spiritual beliefs are not the typical belief system that most people here have, and maybe it makes me seem off my nut to those who aren't of my culture. Still, in the surrounding communities I am known very differently than I am on this bb.
There are "medicine women" just as there are "medicine men" and some call me that openly. It has to do with feeling a death about to occur before it does and seeing things that are hidden. It also has to do with a gift that very few have...the ability to hear and sometimes see the ones in the spirit world.
It is embarrasing to talk of these things--it is not something that isn't spoken about openly as it sounds like bragging when the gifts are not something that makes one special---it is from the Creator and therefore is very humbling. I have a feeling that you will understand what I am saying, though, and not think I'm just some crazy Indian woman, because you have some of these gifts I'm speaking of too. I also think that you know there is a connection between the woman you met in the bar that night--right after your bomb--and me coming to this board. Does that make any sense to you?
just wanted to let you know I don't at all think of you as some crazy indian woman...I am a firm believer in the gifts...some got it and know it...some got it and don't know what to make of it.
I tried to sing into the yahoo messenger (I use msn now well sometimes...are they compatable?) but couldn't think of a name as lostlove and LL were both taken and I got tired trying to set it up.
)...