I tap out...

[Telemark]

I don't have a dog in this fight, but I think KenF makes a valid point, even if his delivery was a bit...straightforward.

Most of us here want to have some hope and faith in the restoration of our marriages, even if there is a tiny chance of that happening. So we do what we can to hold each other up, offer encouragement and advice - and the occasional humor which is just as important as anything else - and form our virtual friendships, all in the hope that it will lead us to the goal we are trying to attain.

But "the other side", as KenF refers to it, is always there; the very real fact that all of our efforts could be for nothing as they apply to our marriages. We continually deal with our own shattered emotions and self-esteem, our wacko spouses who seem to like only to torment us, our kids and how it all affects them...and on and on and on. We still become better for it, but it could - and does - cost us dearly. Can't get away from that.

Those of you who have read my posts know that I try to remain positive, upbeat, optimistic and hopeful whether I'm talking about myself or commenting about others. But I'm not going to sugar-coat anything, and similarly, I think KenF was voicing a little reality dose.

TG007, you know I hold you in high regard for dealing with your situation as long you have despite your H's behavior, and I empathize with your frustrations; we all do. I think KenF said what many of us feel not only about your situation, but about our own as well. We feel like we're being played, like we are Plan B, like we cannot get away from our spouses' drama and BS. We drop the rope and go dim/dark/whatever, but our spouses know how to keep us tied to their rope.

I did not intend to be so long-winded about your thread, and I'm not "choosing sides" at all. But like KenF I'm recognizing the value of cold, hard truth in my situation. It may not be what I want to hear but it is what I need to hear.