I know your wife was here, maybe she is still reading...
For you both, I would agree counseling is in order.
You need to learn to control your anger, develop some sort of transparency plan so that she can see there is no one else (even if you feel it isn't necessary).
As for your W, she needs to really examine within herself why she allowed, tolerated, whatever word you want to use, the things that she considers abuse and work to resolve those issues.
It might also help for each of you to really clearly define what exactly is considered abuse because unless it is physical or obvious name calling, it is a subjective. It might give you some places to start though.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
