I've started a new thread on this forum as things have changed since my last post.
Basically I've messed up my marriage.
I have been married for 12 years to the love of my life, we have 2 great great kids, but I have messed it all up through drink.
In the last 5 years my drinking has gone from socialable to drinking heavily at home, distancing myself from family and friends, mood swings and bad temper.
It all came to a head 12 months ago when my wife left me, I begged, cried and did all the usual, I went to the doctors, who prescibed my anti-deppressant, I tried to blame it all this, not the drink, and started to drink again.
I pressured my wife into divorce, saying either we try to make it work or divorce me, guess what, she divorced me!! haha
She asked to move back into the house, but wanted me out, I agreed as this was best for the kids.
I now have an appartment, and see the kids 3 nights a week.
I have found out she has met someone else, expected to really she is an attractive woman, it made me really look at me, I read the books again, I got so tied up in me and drinking I gave up looking at them and this site, I hate what drink has done to me and my family, and I am determined to stop drinking for good, I have never really done this before, but I hate it for what it has done to me.
I have made some major changes to me, I'm like a different person, I have been working out, lost weight, feel good, and can see that I want my family back.
In the past month my relationship with my wife has changed in a major way.
I was angry, and we argued, she told me she hated me and didn't want to speak to me again.
Then in the last month, I have changed, I'm polite, friendly, she knows I'm not drinking, the kids are always phoning me, telling me they miss me and love me, she hears all this from them. But we are starting to talk again, in a nice way, not telling each other we love one another, but we talk about work, the kids, the past!! without any arguing or shouting.
In the past few weeks we have had conversations on the phone for well over an hour on 3-4 occasions, this is very new!!!
She tells me how much I hurt her and how she felt, I agree totally and tell her I'm so sorry.
I tell her that I will never drink or hurt her again, that I've messed up the best thing in my life, but its now time to put it all behind me and move on.
I have told her that I will always love her, but I have to let her go for all our sakes, I don't want to argue or hurt her again.
We have another court hearing in November, and she asked me about it, I said divorce is just a word to me now, I'm not going to get angry about it, our marriage was dead when I started to drink, and its best that its over.
I have not asked her for anything, no future, no love, nothing, I have just listened, apoloigised and promised never to do anything to hurt her again.
She keeps telling me its going to get hard for me not to drink, and not to get carried away, I agree with her, but tell her that I hate drink for what its done to us all, I don't want a drink, I hate it!!!!
She told me last night after a 2 hour conversation, that she will always be there for me if I needed a chat and someone to talk to, this is a massive turn around for us, in the period of 3-4 weeks.
I told her thanks, but I will try to get on with things without bothering her, I have to try and move on, we laughed and joked, and ended it with a cheerful bye.
She told me that she loved me more than anything in the world when we were together and that she wanted me to changed and see the issues before all this happened, but said she had to leave for me to see sense and for her own good.
I love my wife, I've messed up, but I do see something slowly changing, we talk!!!
Its not hugging or kissing, but we talk!!!, this is a big big step.
Am I getting carried away with things, or is this the start of very small baby steps??
Either way I'll be ok, but like I told her last night, I miss my best friend, and thats the hardest thing thats happened to me.
