25yearsmlc-thank you. The part where you said it is less UNcomfortable for him to change right now-or so he thinks-and he is probably right. Is that because it IS a lot of work to right all of this is a sense and is overwhelming to him. Or, is because I have made to hard for him to think we could recon.
It Would be A LOT of work for him to confront his internal issues (drinking, fears, lies, the ramifications of the lies still being revealed, humbling shame, etc) and
the external damage (what he must at some level realize, now or in the future if he were to return and sense the kids' and your pain)...
as to whether it overwhelms him, sure it does, when he actually does look at it, which maybe hasn't yet occurred...
I don't know if he goes there much yet, or for long. Think about it, if you have ever done a pretty terrible thing to someone you love
it's very very hard to contemplate it for long. Too painful.
Remember that story I told you about how I let my resentment of my h poison my response when he gave d1 an Ipod? (I felt it was a "bribe" he gave her out of guilt for leaving, and I just had to make a snarky remark that really wrecked it for her. Totally removed any good feelings she might have gotten from his gesture.)
yes I apologized the same day. But just thinking about it now, and writing it down here--
still hurts me and still shames me. (And I've done a lot of personal work!!)
So yeah, if I had done to MY kids and h, anything close to what your h has done...
WTH??
True, I'm NOT your h and it just wouldn't happen
so we can only go "so far" when it comes to putting ourselves in their shoes... sometimes it hinders our vision b/c we keep thinking they are like us inside but they may not be.
In a way, it doesn't make much difference why he isn't home
b/c the bottom line is, he isn't.
Could you have kept the road home more paved and smooth, and guilted him less?
Who knows? Maybe so....
but is there anything someone else could say to you
that would keep YOU away from your kids this long??
(I thought not...)
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
