Preseason has begun...just trying to make the cut

[MadeToSucceed]

Glad you were able to take something from my experience..as I said on your thread...full of DONTS. Funny that I re-read it all today myself and saw how the more experienced DBers tried to beat it into me early and often and I just kept backsliding. In a way it's humorous because the more and more I verbalized that I got it, the more I'd dive back into the same methods that didn't work. Now that I'm just started to live it a little more, even though it's only been one week of no contact, I don't feel the intense need to scream it from the hills.

You're definitely right about the nice guy thing. I was long too worried about doing the wrong thing and walking on eggshells for my W's sake. I still do so to a large extent in that I'm still trying to protect her image and despite how I've been treated, do not want to hurt her in anyway. That being said, I don't want to hurt ME even more at this point. For me that has become empowering. I'm worth not hurting myself or allowing her to hurt me more than "necessary." The pain is already going to be there. No sense in me intensifying it by subjecting myself to treatment I don't have to. I love my W with all my heart...but I love me too!

I don't really worry about OM. I know my actions may not necessarily scream that but I really don't compare myself to him. He has money but other than that, he's a scumbag and I know it. He couldn't take out my trash. I guess her A with him is just so troubling because I KNOW how bad it's all going to fall apart eventually and it just sickens me to know that a woman I love and value doesn't value herself enough to continue on this way AND knowing that someone else is basically just using her until he gets tired or the new cute thing walks by.

I'm getting more and more accustomed to GAL-ing. It'll really help since I start school back up on Thursday so my schedule will be pretty confined. Not to mention it's football season and I am a big fantasy footballer so I'll get to focus on that also. I'm going to visit a group of my guy friends this weekend for our annual fantasy draft/barbecue. Next weekend I'm going to my college's first home football game for Labor Day weekend and will get to spend time with friends, family and probably even some old teammates. That'll be odd because I know lots of people will be asking me where she is and I really don't know who all knows.

I have drawn comfort from rediscovering myself. I know there is a lot of time between now and October 19th and so I fully recognize that I can continue to grow leaps and bounds and just remain prayerful that whatever happens, it'll be for my good. I sometimes wish I could speed the process...which I could get a new job, be done with school, have some more visible victories...but the key is patience. jb says it all the time on here...marathon, not a sprint.

Thanks for your words West. They're greatly appreciated.