thank you kml, i see my DR. tomorrow and i will talk to him.
Country, my daughter was up at 4 am this morning with a headache. I know it is stress and her way of dealing with the dreaded missing mommy syndrome. When i got home from work today, she met me at the car. She asked me to drive her to see mommy.
Im sure every father on here will agree, when your little girl asks you to do something, no matter how hard it is on you personally, you do it.
After s15 and s13 playoff match tonight, i drove them to moms house. My mother came with us so she could drop s15 off at his dads afterwards. S15 cried the entire time we were at his moms house, he refused to get out of mema's truck and just sat there crying. broke my heart. the other kids all spent about a half an hour with their mom. I talked s15 into talking with his mom, and i told her she had to talk to him at the truck, which she did. He was in tears the entire time.
After she said goodbye, all the kids climbed in with my mom and left. I talked to W for about 15 mins. I told her that tonight was a gift from her 7 yr old daughter and my inability to tell her no. I told her from now on if the kids ask me to do anything like this again, my response will be, mommy is not available for us to visit right now, she will call when she is ready. she didnt even say thank you to me. She looked at me and said she cant handle this. She will figure it out. She said she will call the kids.
We briefly got on the topic of how i was doing, and this is where i couldnt control my temper anymore. I looked her in the face, raised my voice, and told her to fu&* off. After 20 years, after all i have said and done, after she said no matter what i was her best friend and she wanted me in her life, i lost it. She hasnt said 2 fing words to me about it since she found out. While i was so sick i couldnt leave my bed and her 20 year old brother was looking after all 4 kids and her mother called her and told her that i was sick and she needed to take care of the children, she hasnt said a dam word.
I said that once you have heard the words ``you have cancer`` you look at everything differently. what mattered once before doesnt matter anymore. That the 4 children i am trying to take care off, the one that i am losing and that she has almost lost for good are all that matters. I told her to fing grow up and take a look around, we interrupted her playing fing video games! when her boys are in the playoffs battling against each other for the 2nd place spot.
OM popped his head out and told me to shut the f up. I walked up to him and i said he had better run his as" back inside the house and do it quickly, i may be sick but i will give it every thing i got. he pushed me and punched him in the mouth a couple of times and he ran inside.
I turned to her and said go back to your video games, go back to your alcohol and your drugs, the rest of would be just fine. Told her to fruck get her sh*& together for her kids. They needed her, especially now. Got in the car and drove off.
I just couldnt stand back anymore and let this happen. i thru away everything i have been fighting for in a 15 min conversation. I have sent an email to my lawyer letting him know what i did, and what my actions were. My W 20 year old brother was driving and witnessed OM shoving me first, and that I was willing to except what ever was to come my way. I have asked for the Lawyer to get me before the judge to change my custody from shared to sole, and supervised visitation for W until she gets clean and back on her feet. I also asked him to file the divorce papers and not delay it any longer.
This is the end of my battle to save my marriage. It has been eating me up for a long time. Tonight proved to me that my wife is gone. She is lost in a bottle and world of drugs. Unfortunatly, This marriage cannot be saved at this time, and i think she needs to see that she has lost everything.
Im sorry to everyone if i let them down. I have recieved a lot of support for my behaviour in this journey. I did not intend for myself to lose my cool and my temper, i just couldnt keep it inside anymore.
