well starsky, i am not meeting her on monday, and i havent told her that. To be honest, i dont think i have to. I firmly believe she wont call.
Today my ss15 asked if he could live the rest of the summer at his dads. Very hard on me, but i respects his wants and i cant say i understand how he feels. I told him if thats what he wants to do then i wont stop him. He says he just needs a break away from this home and everyone. He will be back when school starts. Very tough day for me.
I made arrangements with his dad and will be dropping him off there tomorrow. I did text my wife to tell her, and to tell her that if she wants to see s15 she has to text him and meet him elsewhere as ss15 dad will not allow her near his home. I got no reply from her.
So sorry, Tank. Give him his space, and he will return to you at some point, I'm sure. 15 year olds are all about themselves, kwim?? It's understandable.
physically i am doing not bad. Treatment has been tough, but my numbers are down, so that is positive. Thanks for asking starsky.
Tonight was the first round of playoffs for s15 and s13 soccer. It was the last time we would see them play each other. I picked up s15 from his dads house, and surprise, neither their dad or my wife showed up to watch. They were both disappointed about that.
I am ready to stop relaying important events in the kids lives to my wife now, she doesnt respond, show up or call the kids.
Should i tell her these things and take comfort in that im trying to include her, even if she doesnt act on what i say? Or do i just leave it be and if she decides to ask questions about their activities answer her at that point?
I really am unsure of what im feeling about my wife now. I think i am ready to file for divorce. The realization that she doesnt care enough to discuss my health or see how i am doing has really hit me hard. On top of that, she is not talking to or seeing our children. She just isnt the women i fell in love with. There is nothing left of the women i loved. I think its time to start moving on with the next chapter of my life.
Should i tell her these things and take comfort in that im trying to include her, even if she doesn't act on what i say? Or do i just leave it be and if she decides to ask questions about their activities answer her at that point?
I think this really depends on you tank. IF you can let her know of these events and then NOT be disappointed if she does not respond... IF you feel good regardless of her response or lack there of...
Do what makes YOU feel like YOU are doing the RIGHT thing.
If you do so WITH expectations, it seems most likely she will disappoint. So think about this. Be honest with yourself. Then, you will know what is best for you.
Quote:
Does this mean i have to switch forums?
That is up to you... But this place probably does still get the most traffic. And I am not sure how much it matters. How would the advice change?
tank, your story is one that tears me up. You have become VERY strong. What you have done is so admirable.
I understand your feeling for wanting it all to end. The legal paper might help you get there. But think what this would actually change at this point.
One thing I know. IF you decide you need the paper for closure. No one here would look down upon it.
I am glad to hear your treatment has been helping. I am sure "tough" is an understatement.
Peace man.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
well country, what makes me feel like im doing the right thing is trying to help my kids through this time. Their mother doesnt contact them at all any more. she doesnt answer when they call her.
Tonight i watched my d7 call her mother 7 times. The entire time she was pleeding for mom to pick up the phone. I tried telling her that mommy was probably busy right now. it didnt make it any better for her.
I have decided that i have done enough for my w. I have included her in everything, and to be honest, i think i would expect something from her if i continue to keep her informed. My plan is to now cut her out of my life. But how do i do that for the kids? My daughter wants me to take her to mommys house so she can see her.
You can't spoon feed your W. So if she is non responsive what do you do?
I understand wanting to meet your kids needs. But it is up to her whether she will fulfill what they want from her.
I guess just comfort them as best you can.
You could talk to your W about being there more for them. But I would not recommend telling your kids.
Because I fear she will dissapoint again. And this would hurt them even more.
IDK man. This is just tough [censored].
Just know. If you continue to show your kids YOUR strength. This will comfort them during this tough time more than you know. They need a rock right now. You're the only who can be it.
Peace man.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Tank - Back to you for a minute. This week I've been doing some research because a friend has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It occurred to me today that some of this might be helpful to you to (I'm an MD).
Resveratrol - the stuff in red wine that is so good for us, concentrated down into a capsule - is readily available as a supplement (here in the U.S., anyway). There's a lot of research being done about its anti-cancer effects, and here's a study on stomach cancer: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11960777
It is safe and well-tolerated, although if you are on coumadin, you may need your coumadin dose adjusted. In pancreatic cancer, it also seems to make cancer cells more sensitive to chemo.
thank you kml, i see my DR. tomorrow and i will talk to him.
Country, my daughter was up at 4 am this morning with a headache. I know it is stress and her way of dealing with the dreaded missing mommy syndrome. When i got home from work today, she met me at the car. She asked me to drive her to see mommy.
Im sure every father on here will agree, when your little girl asks you to do something, no matter how hard it is on you personally, you do it.
After s15 and s13 playoff match tonight, i drove them to moms house. My mother came with us so she could drop s15 off at his dads afterwards. S15 cried the entire time we were at his moms house, he refused to get out of mema's truck and just sat there crying. broke my heart. the other kids all spent about a half an hour with their mom. I talked s15 into talking with his mom, and i told her she had to talk to him at the truck, which she did. He was in tears the entire time.
After she said goodbye, all the kids climbed in with my mom and left. I talked to W for about 15 mins. I told her that tonight was a gift from her 7 yr old daughter and my inability to tell her no. I told her from now on if the kids ask me to do anything like this again, my response will be, mommy is not available for us to visit right now, she will call when she is ready. she didnt even say thank you to me. She looked at me and said she cant handle this. She will figure it out. She said she will call the kids.
We briefly got on the topic of how i was doing, and this is where i couldnt control my temper anymore. I looked her in the face, raised my voice, and told her to fu&* off. After 20 years, after all i have said and done, after she said no matter what i was her best friend and she wanted me in her life, i lost it. She hasnt said 2 fing words to me about it since she found out. While i was so sick i couldnt leave my bed and her 20 year old brother was looking after all 4 kids and her mother called her and told her that i was sick and she needed to take care of the children, she hasnt said a dam word.
I said that once you have heard the words ``you have cancer`` you look at everything differently. what mattered once before doesnt matter anymore. That the 4 children i am trying to take care off, the one that i am losing and that she has almost lost for good are all that matters. I told her to fing grow up and take a look around, we interrupted her playing fing video games! when her boys are in the playoffs battling against each other for the 2nd place spot.
OM popped his head out and told me to shut the f up. I walked up to him and i said he had better run his as" back inside the house and do it quickly, i may be sick but i will give it every thing i got. he pushed me and punched him in the mouth a couple of times and he ran inside.
I turned to her and said go back to your video games, go back to your alcohol and your drugs, the rest of would be just fine. Told her to fruck get her sh*& together for her kids. They needed her, especially now. Got in the car and drove off.
I just couldnt stand back anymore and let this happen. i thru away everything i have been fighting for in a 15 min conversation. I have sent an email to my lawyer letting him know what i did, and what my actions were. My W 20 year old brother was driving and witnessed OM shoving me first, and that I was willing to except what ever was to come my way. I have asked for the Lawyer to get me before the judge to change my custody from shared to sole, and supervised visitation for W until she gets clean and back on her feet. I also asked him to file the divorce papers and not delay it any longer.
This is the end of my battle to save my marriage. It has been eating me up for a long time. Tonight proved to me that my wife is gone. She is lost in a bottle and world of drugs. Unfortunatly, This marriage cannot be saved at this time, and i think she needs to see that she has lost everything.
Im sorry to everyone if i let them down. I have recieved a lot of support for my behaviour in this journey. I did not intend for myself to lose my cool and my temper, i just couldnt keep it inside anymore.
he pushed me and I punched him in the mouth a couple of times and he ran inside.
Lol - is it wrong of me, that this part made me want to cheer??? Go Tank!!!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously, it is a sad sad commentary on the terrible effects of drug addiction, that your W is able to do this to the kids. She's clearly out of her mind, but you need to do what's necessary to protect yourself and those kids.
You're a great dad. Focus on them and your healing and forget about her and OM for the time being.
kml, it was wrong what i did, thankfully my mom had left with the children. I wont lie, it felt really good at the time.
I have turned this matter over to the lawyers now.
My house is on the market for sale, and I have put an offer on a new home with alot less property and a lot less work required day to day. the builder will put a pool in for me so the kids will still have that and it is in the same small town we live in now. Nice thing is its brand new and the builder accepted my conditional offer that i sell mine first.
I am focusing on my health and kids. MY DR did adjust my treatment plan as the IV treatment was really knocking me down. They are now using pills and i seem to be able to function better. it is working and my marker number is down in my blood work. I will be having part of my stomach removed, but i chose this course of action first in the hopes that it works.
Now as for my galing, pretty much on hold for the most part. I have been spending a hour or 2 a week learning how to roller blade. Pretty much in the garage and drive way so i can go around the car and have something to grab when i fall. Pretty weak and cant do it long, but the kids love to see the effort. They watch me and do it with me, when i pass out on the lawn they all laugh and have fun. I have now put the patio chairs in the garage so i can sit and just watch them. Sometimes, i even put on my blades and sit in the chair. Just so i can feel like im doing it with them.
My social calander is getting busy now that soccer is over, everyone seems to want to start coming around on the weekends. My work has asked me to have a bbq at my home in september for the office staff. I agreed, that should be lots of fun.
I have taken my BIL and he has gotten his learners permit, i can still teach him how to drive and not kill myself. My plan is to drive to Winnipeg (27 hour) drive with him at the end of September to visit my brother and his wife.
As you can probably tell, its 1:30 am, and tonights events have me wide awake.
