Kalni, My actions produced a positive outcome, whether it's masculine or not. There's no point in debating that issue.
My W and I eat out together 2-3X per week. We like to eat outside during the summer at restaurants. We both like ethnic food, so find restaurants that are casual in appearance, but still have great food, to keep it affordable. We were exercising together at our fitness center before the car accident. I'm trying to get her back on-track now that her wrist is better. We go to movies together usually 1-2X per month.
Dancing gives us a shared community, developing friendships, exercise, gets us out of the house, helps us grow as partners and individuals. In DB terms, don't fix what isn't broken, and do more of what seems to be working.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Kalni, My actions produced a positive outcome, whether it's masculine or not. There's no point in debating that issue.
My W and I eat out together 2-3X per week. We like to eat outside during the summer at restaurants. We both like ethnic food, so find restaurants that are casual in appearance, but still have great food, to keep it affordable. We were exercising together at our fitness center before the car accident. I'm trying to get her back on-track now that her wrist is better. We go to movies together usually 1-2X per month.
Dancing gives us a shared community, developing friendships, exercise, gets us out of the house, helps us grow as partners and individuals. In DB terms, don't fix what isn't broken, and do more of what seems to be working.
CL
CL, these are all great activities, and it's obvious that you and your wife have a good friendship. But unfortunately, all of this can also fall into "gay boyfriend" role if the other, "masculine" stuff isn't addressed, esp. in the bedroom.
I'm afraid that until you're willing to face this big elephant in the room, you're going to remain mostly STUCK. You have done a great job of managing (and improving) all of the other aspects of the relationship, but you're playing with fire and it's only going to be so long before your wife begins to (again) seek the missing passion elsewhere.
I'm afraid that until you're willing to face this big elephant in the room, you're going to remain mostly STUCK. You have done a great job of managing (and improving) all of the other aspects of the relationship, but you're playing with fire and it's only going to be so long before your wife begins to (again) seek the missing passion elsewhere.
I get lulled into thinking things are fine because of the improvements I've made and in the R, and so I become complacent. As was suggested, I've yet to cross the finish line. I'm still pedaling and have one more hill to climb. It's time to shift gears again.
The masculine skills that need improvement are assertiveness and facing fear. I get motivated when I frame it as these areas I need to work on for myself and the R. When I frame it as I need to have sex with my W, fear and doubt creep in.
I think for now I need to Act As If I have these skills with my W. I'll look for opportunities to practice. I'll use the softer skills with her as-needed. I need to rebalance the portfolio to include more aggressive investments, expand the keyboard, or add a slider.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
My W seems to be in an emotional funk about being unemployed. She spends too much time in front of the television and computer. I encourage her to go with me to the fitness center, but she hasn't been there in weeks. I hope to get her back to our free weights class this week. People at the fitness center ask about her. She stopped going after the car accident, due to her wrist injury.
We performed our dance routine three times in front of an audience over the past week. I promised myself I would be brave and not let myself be nervous. It went well. It's the best performance we've done together. We bonded well with other couples afterwards at a downtown restaurant, after the event. She said it was a happy day. We've been invited next weekend to join several other couples for a river cruise.
I enjoy being with her when she's enjoying herself in a group setting. She enjoyed the dance formation. We get along well at movies and at restaurants. Being home with her is different as her energy is lacking. I keep mentally and physically active, with or without her.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
We're planning a trip to Puerto Rico for December. I've agreed to allow other couples to join us if they want. I was out with my W till 2AM twice this weekend. We're taking separate dance lessons to work on our own skills and take some pressure off the partnership. We're showing consistent connection as a couple in the dance community.
I'm trying to relate to the imperfections of my W and R in a more open manner. I'm not perfect, but at least am trying more consistently.
I know the sexual/physical intimacy issue is unresolved.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
