Things a bit better today. Long conversation with H that he initiated - he is confused about reconciling. Thinks he hasn't seen enough "changes" from me to warrant giving our marriage another chance. And I said, he'd see more "changes" from me if/when he ends the relationship with OW. OK, we're at an impasse. I mean, HE is the one who has betrayed our marriage vows, had the affair, and walked out on his wife and family. But he's waiting for ME to make all the changes? I'm willing and able to do my part. But I can't do all of the work.
Of course, a good DB strategy would be to make my changes for myself (which, of course, I AM - but he thinks they are for HIM). So, I need to focus on myself for now and let him see what he's going to be missing if he leaves. Focus on being the best me I can be. And I'm trying.
Give me strength. Help me to stick to my DB approach. Come hell or high water. I need to do this. Even if it means biting my tongue about the OW, his whereabouts, etc. and I can do this. I know I can. I am a strong woman. A two-time breast cancer survivor (five years this October!). So I can do this.
