Wow, finally got to the end of your journey thus far. What a rollercoaster it's been! Thanks for leading me to your threads, I have learned a lot through your example. A few thoughts on what I've read so far:
--"Nice Guys" are almost entirely summed up by their fear of abandonment, especially abandonment by their S. In order to prevent this from happening, they do everything possible to please their spouse, including not rocking the boat, doing everything for the S, and saying what they think S wants to hear (I've also heard this called "overcompliance.") Sadly, this "overcompliant" behavior actually does a better job at repulsing the S than attracting them. I doubt that your W was attracted to you in the beginning because you bent over backwards to please her in attempts to keep her from leaving you!
Believe me, I have been in your boat many times, i.e. obsessing about saying or doing the "right" thing to ensure that W will come back. You hit my own fear right on the head a few pages back about wanting to withdraw enough to make her miss you but not so much that you defy her attempts to "come back." I guess our lesson is this: We should just be ourselves as WE want to be, not our W's. It seems paradoxical to our "nice guy" personas, but our withdrawal from them contains our best bet to drawing our W's back. If our W's really do want to come back, THEY WILL FIND A WAY TO COME BACK. People will resort to "by hook or by crook" mode when they realize how important something is and that they just might lose it for good.
--Don't worry about OM whatsoever. I did this a lot, too, especially when my W went on about how much better he was than me in so many ways. From what I've read, A's are always about living a fantasy life away from the "shackles" of you, the M, & REALITY, and OM is just a symbol of that escape. Eventually, our W's will realize that they are grasping for dreams made out of smoke. (Sounds like mine is already quickly on that path...we'll see.) No relationship is perfect, especially M. If you keep jumping ship when the waters get rough, you'll be doing that your whole life. Just look at the people who get married 4+ times!
--I think you'll find that as soon as you start getting used to GAL-ing and detaching from your W, it gets easier. Hell, it's been two months for me and already I know that I'll be just fine no matter how this goes. I will miss her if our M truly does end, sure, but I've come to terms with my own self-esteem enough to know that I'll be just fine on my own. You'll get there soon enough as well, my friend...
