It has been ONE year since the bomb. Living in limbo. H coming and going. Last physical contact 3 months for all of us. Last time it was awkward but did some stuff around house. That is when he took me aside and told me more about OW and his regrets. No telephone contact with kids for 3 months. Me-we went 6 weeks with NC. Last couple weeks once in awhile for financial reasons.
No, I guess I am not done. When I wrote I was I felt like that but it does come and go. Maybe it is my family I am trying to hang onto though. I've been in and seen many military families lacking a parent and still being "families"...you don't have to have him there to make it a family. Besides, he isnt' there now and that's just reality.
Deal with what IS...
So, if we do get together- He wants to talk about the sitch. What do you recommend I say? Very little. LISTEN...Get data....it's a "recon mission", if you know what I mean. If he presses you for answers, which I doubt he'll do unless he's fishing, then you tell him you need time to process whatever he said...
Honestly, I don't know if I am coming or going anymore. No, nothing would bring me peace I suppose. I used to think and Now??
him coming back as a changed person to who he used to be and saying he was sorry and made a lot of mistakes would do it. And, willing to get help for us and his drinking. I fear there will never be a chance again to make this work. He is such a coward that he wouldn't fight for us even if he wanted to if I file. DOes that make sense. Easier just to leave it alone. It's less UNcomfortable for him than changing or fighting for you guys...or so he thinks...and in the short run, he's probably right. And that's all he sees now. I can't risk finances anymore. I would do anything for my kids.
THIS ^^^^^ IS THE ANSWER IN 2 SENTENCES...IF He really presses you for a response, this is all that you need to tell Him....
He only apologized after I contacted him to tell him why I did what I did with MY finances. I mentioned had we would have got together it could have been avoided. He had the ususal excuse. My thought right now is who thinks they can be married and still live with OW?!? I guess a lot of people. But, enough is enough in my opinion.
No (healthy/sober/sane/acceptable) man really believes he can live with an OW and still be "married" in any real sense of the word.
Plus, he's not in touch with the kids or hanging around even pretending to be daddy...
That's what I got and I'm sorry Life...I really am. Just thinking you have to deal with
what IS and not what you wished for or hoped for or are still mourning...you have the
"RIGHT" to feel crappy and sad! But since you also have kids to think of and like you said, you cannot risk the money issues anymore, you cannot stand still and do nothing.
And that...is...that....
kind of simple really.
Hard, traumatic, and very crappy, but not complicated....
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
