Quote: I have been wasting a lot of energy trying to figure out the WHY's and HOW's of what happened to my H and my R. I want to believe that if I understand it, the understanding will give me power over it...some form of control to keep it from happening again.
My sentiments exactly. I had been doing extremely well for myself up until the 'box' arrived from LL Bean last Friday (see my thread for the gory details) and I am stunned and amazed by the power that 'box' has had over my 'peacefulness'....
That box, has spiraled me into some very painful thinking and rehashing of things. It wiped away (at least temporarily) all that I'd accomplished the past several weeks.
I stood in the shower this morning, crying for the first time in months and wondering to myself....WHEN does he tell ME what he was thinking then so that I'm not stumbling around with this blindfold on hoping that this time we're getting it right. It's hard to know if your succeeding if you have nothing to measure your success against.
I was, like you, going to accept the fact that things are going well until that 'box' arrived and reminded me that we have really accomplished very little except to both have become very good at pretending nothing's wrong.
I'm also trying to decide if all of this pain comes from the fact that the past two Christmases are forever linked to my H's cheating....and that this year that box arrived the day before the anniv. of d-day # 2.
T2
