Treading water - time and patience

[NYCPeter]

Ok - feel very down today - I know this site is about DBing, but
at the prompting of my parents I had an initial consultation with a L this morning just to see what would happen in my sitch.

My W is a stay at home mum and has been since our D9 was born - because of this and because of our D9's disabilities I would likely need to pay lifetime spousal support.

Bottom line - in the event we were to get a D I would likely get 50% of marital assets (about 50k in equity in the home and 75k in the 401k I have from work). All assets in my W's name were brought into the marraige.

I would need to pay 25% child support and unless my W were to remarry pay 45% spousal support to "maintain the current standard of living" as well as ensuring healthcare coverage and life insurance.

I am not a selfish person - I am all for providing for my family - it's part of the reason we are in this sitch, it was my primary focus. How am I supposed to live on 30% of my salary in the NYC area? I would never be able to provide a home that my girls can come and visit and stay over - so by default I become a real part-time dad. I would never be able to buy them things and take them on trips. I'd likely need to share an apartment with someone to get by.

This has depressed me no end - my R may be ending against my wishes and I would be doubly punished in the future financially. What chance of a future R at those odds.

Sorry - just venting, I know I should be focusing on getting my M on track - but this just seems so unfair especially as it's something I do not want.