I'm so sorry this is so painful. The more he sees you crying and upset and reactive, the more it pushes him away.
It's time to do nothing. Stop resisting, stop encouraging him to open up. Just stop. Take care of yourself. You really have to check in with your doctor to see if medication is appropriate for you. Even if you do get meds, it takes a couple of weeks to equilibrate.
All that said--even when you take a step backwards, it just gives you information. You have absolute confidence now that pursuing and reacting are making things worse. While it feels worse to 'drop the rope' or pull the rubber band in the other direction, you really need to do that.
You cannot hurt anything by doing that. And you need to heal a bit. While you may feel you need to have him back to heal, you will have to heal yourself a bit in order to attract him back.
