Thank you much for the insight. I'm still going through your links that you provided, Cadet. There is so much more to read for sure. On that note....
On Going Dark, as I mentioned earlier, I guess I find myself fortunate that I see I've done some things on my own without knowing them. I'm still reading through those 19 pages on that link alone, but I do sympathize with some on there. My wife is also increadably stubborn - very stubborn. She's not been wrong in the 13 years we've known each other or at least not wrong enough that i would remember a time. So that sums up my uphill battle.
To add to the fun, my wife was not sure of my affections towards her over the years. This exasperates things in that MLC-ers can't seem recall any time you made them feel great about themselves or the relationship. So going dark may come across as more of the same. Either way, before I stumbled onto this website, I had already nixed a few things such as email, text, and phone calls. Her reaction is predictable - she thinks I'm brooding and she's 'pissy" I guess is the word. She's gone from calling or texting me to calling our son on his phone most times.
It's a bit amusing to me. My plans are fluid and I can change them at will most times. I ask her nothing of what she does or where she goes and sometimes it turns out she can't take the kids to breakfast because they already ate. We don't wait for her. If she's home, I tend to make myself busy or just go elsewhere so that she can have time with the kids. I will do what I can to ease the burden on them. She's a good mother regardless of her resentment of me. My oldest still doesn't trust her since there was about a month or so that she was never home some time back.
But yes, the Dark. I guess I already found me before I came here. I'll keep reading about it, but I do feel good about my indifference towards the whole situation. What some might say is a cold attitude, I would beg to differ. I have no hostility towards my wife and the pain is not being bottled up. I guess I just stopped telling myself that I love her. If I didn't I wouldn't be here. I just don't see what it accomplishes by affirming an emotion with myself right now. I feel like the guy I was when we met - minus the speaking with my wife part unfortunatly. She's frigid around me again these past 3 days. I'm starting to have some fun with it. I'm looking for cycles of repeat behavior. I'm not wanting when she's in a "cordial" mood towards me and I'm nothing less than polite when she's frigid. It maybe impossible to gauge, but by identifying triggers - other unhappy people, job, money ( lack of ), or whatever, I can then maybe find the happy triggers and perhaps pull on those .
One other thing about my "possible" going dark experience - I find it important and sometimes fun, to throw my wife off a bit. I know her enough that if I completely ignore her, she will strengthen her resolve. I also know that persuing her will move her from the living room to the basement. With that said, I tend to find one thing 1 or 2 times in a week that I can throw her an off handed compliment that in no way reflect my heart, but shows I notice her judgement call on something positive. If I compliment her on the fact that I like a shirt she's wearing, for example, I only do so in passing. No need to stand there like I demand a reply. It lets her know I notice her and it lets her know I'm not brooding.
