Preseason has begun...just trying to make the cut

[MadeToSucceed]

I talked to my DB coach, Leni tonight. I got her caught up on everything that has happened in the last 11 days and I acknowledged I had done too much in the way of pursuing. She agreed after my description. We talked about a Last Resort letter that I am beginning to formulate but she said she doesn't believe now is the time to use it...it is still too soon as we are only in month 4 of this ordeal. She often talks about the fact that most affairs last 6-9 months or so and sometimes longer when they are long distance like my W's. Again, I'm in month 4. 6 months will be when we meet for mediation.

She also noted that she feels like my W is reaching out to others because she may already see some signs that things with OM are not what she hopes they would be so she needs to have additional "back up" plans so that she can somewhat guard herself from the failure. I thought that was an interesting concept and one that I really didn't fully consider. Long story short, she reiterated what many of you have helped me understand: I know what I need to do and have known for a long time but just haven't done it.

I asked her how I should react to the fact that my W is set to begin competing on Sunday in the World Championships and should I contact her to wish her well because that is something I always would do. She reiterated that my W probably feels as if I am extremely predictable (which has been true if I'm honest with myself) and that she truly thinks maybe this is one of those instances where I DON'T reach out to my W and kind of leave her wondering.

She also encouraged me to get back to the basics some of the things from our first few calls...don't lose hope. Visualize the ending I have in mind. Look at "What would I usually do?" If that doesn't usually work, don't do it. Don't act out of fear or desperation.

One thing I think I'm going to do for sure is RE-read DR. I think keeping the DB principles in the forefront will really help me live them. She also suggested I read The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work by Gotman (sp?) and I bought the book but haven't read it yet either so that will be one of my goals this week. In fact, I think I'm about to grab a glass of wine and sit out on my porch and do some reading before going to bed. Don't have to be at work until 10:30am so I have some time that I can use to reinforce the DBing habits and understand the process better.

I love you guys on here for remaining so consistent and helping reinforce to me all of these types of principles. It has really helped me a great ton. I'm still trying to hold out on the adultery piece of stuff with my lawyer...I'll wait until I've spoken with my pastor this Thursday before trying to reassess. I still have time. Basically need to decide by September 1st.