I told my H to come up with a schedule of when he wants to see the boys before we tell them so they will know when they will see him. Of course nothing all I got out of him was a few days during the week and Sat night. I said most people do every other weekend. He said Oh I have been working on Sat. SO as usual he expects me to pick up the slack. Not sure if I should stand on principle or do what is better for the boys. I do know that I loathe the idea of them being gone for 3 days a week. I can't stand the idea that I can't just see them whenever I want.
Will your plan change now that school has started? I don't know about your S but mine has tons of homework every night and bedtime is 8:30.
Paige - H and I have not completely sorted out the plan for once school starts - I expect we'll leave it as-is for a bit. We've always been firm with S7 about having homework done pretty quickly, and usually only has about 30 minutes worth, so I think this schedule will work.
I'm having a busy day - lots of meetings. Don't really find my mind wandering to H very often anymore at all.
H: 39, Me: 37 SD: 18, S: 7 M: 9, T: 10 "I love you but am not in love with you" - 5/11 Discovered online affair - 7/11
I know it's hard for you to imagine not being able to see them when you want to, but try to think of what is best for the kids. In situations like this, it is impossible for everyone's life to not be affected, but you want your kids to be as unaffected as possible.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
Paige - One more thing - for me and my son, I don't think that a 3 day/4 day split is the right choice. I don't think he wants to go 3 days without seeing me, or go 4 days without seeing his dad. For my money, the right choice for S7 is going to wind up being an "every other night" sort of thing. I'm thinking of a scenario where we stay as-is for the next month or two, then turn the Wednesday night visit into a sleep over, then eventually the Monday night.
My H, obviously, prefers a scenario where he has 4 days free from S7, all the better to fly down and visit his affair partner. Now, what he does with his free time is of no interest to me, but I'm unwilling to structure things around those needs. As far as I'm concerned, S7 comes first, last, and only - everyone else can suck it up.
H: 39, Me: 37 SD: 18, S: 7 M: 9, T: 10 "I love you but am not in love with you" - 5/11 Discovered online affair - 7/11
I agree girl the only one that you should worry about is S. Everyone else can and should suck up.
Not sure what my H is thinking. He seems to think for now he can come and see the kids at the house. Umm nope. You can come and get them but you are not hanging around MY house. I am sure he doesn't want me in HIS apartment. He is just really not thinking right now. I am sure once he really moves out things will change for him. He has no car... He has a work van that he drives to work but it only has 2 front seats so he can't do any drop off and pickups from school. I am not going to be driving to his place to pick up the kids to then turn around and get them to school and get myself to work all by 8am. So I don't know how this is going to work.
I do want him to be a big part of their lives but I am not the only parent and it is not my priority to make his life easier and mine harder. He is going to have to make some changes in his situation also.
Smart huh? Move out with no car.. Thinks once he moves out he will save money and can go and get one. Has no idea about child support. He thinks since we make about the same amount all he will have to pay is 1/2 of their daycare and medical stuff.
Paige - My husband was a little startled that he'll be expected to pay child support as well. He figured we'd have S7 50/50 and we make similar pay, so he'd pay half of daycare, and that's about all.
It's amazing to me all the things they didn't think about before they went off and did this.
And I agree - your duty is to your kids. Making his life easier is not your concern.
H: 39, Me: 37 SD: 18, S: 7 M: 9, T: 10 "I love you but am not in love with you" - 5/11 Discovered online affair - 7/11
H dropped S7 off tonight. Offered to carry in the cat litter I had sitting on the porch - I said, 'Oh, I'm good, but thank you.'
Asked if I'd seen an email he sent about S7s afterschool care - told him no, I was behind on email. (I just read it, actually - it was, in my opinion, unnecessarily long, although I'm sure he'd say he was just being "thorough"). Indicated he needed S7s immunization records - told him I don't have them all in one place and if he brings me the paper, I'll fill it out.
He protested that he "wants the records too". I said, 'Yes, but they're not in one place. I will fill the paper out and then you can make a photocopy for yourself.'
Seven years of not even giving S7 a bath, let alone doing any doctor visits and suddenly he's snippy about immunization records? Peh on him!
Anyway. Little bit snarky tonight, obviously.
Lunch with the "friend" tomorrow, so at least that's something to look forward to.
H: 39, Me: 37 SD: 18, S: 7 M: 9, T: 10 "I love you but am not in love with you" - 5/11 Discovered online affair - 7/11
girl are we married to the same man??!?! My H hardly ever did baths and I can count on one hand the number of doctor visits. I guess I should get prepared for him wanting the records! haha
