Standing for my live-in MLC'er/WAS

[angel61]

25....

Hey, for you to say this is a tough one means it is a real challenge. You always have a firm stand on a lot of things that it made me nervous to see you unsure.....

My D: she looks at it in different ways. Mainly, she says that her selfish self is tired of our small town, the drama in school, and wants a change. If it means leaving behind her dad, so be it. The situation at home is secondary, she says she senses the tension, she really doesn't want to meddle, she just knows that when H leaves for trips we have more of a sense of calmness and peace between us, although she complains that I am not a good cook. You know, she has a precedent here, cause when I was 12, I left my hometown, to go to a boarding school to take advantage of a scholarship for kids gifted in the sciences, MY CHOICE! I guess I was also running away at that time from over protective parents who also had their own issues.

When I did bring up the possible consequence that it may lead to a divorce as well as a reconciliation, she did say that it made her feel stuck. Oh no, we are all stuck right now!


Regarding my H: Obviously he is still conflicted, but it may change if our situation continues to be like this. I know he seems to once in a while try to see if there is hope for us, and honestly I do try to rise to the occasion, but again, until the OW is gone, and until real feelings come back, I don't think there will be anything there. Bt the feeling I get is one of discouragement - and not just from him, but from me too.

And of course there is the resentment, as you said, that he is duty bound to take care of us. I think he realizes that this is coming from himself, not me, as he told ur friend, he is a good person inside.

Pickle, one thing I can say: be careful of what you wish for! Sometimes it is so much easier to just go with the flow, rather than to have to make decisions.

Honestly, sometimes I just feel so TIRED!

Most of the time though I am not really in pain..... I am able to work, H seems to plan anything and everything just to fill in the empty days, we go shopping, eating out, watch movies, etc.

I don't want to be left alone with him so when he is home I do the laundry, clean endlessly. I feel awkward making small talk. Sometimes we have work to talk about then that is something I enjoy, intellectual discussions.

That is why having him gone seems like such a relief.

25, I don't think I am ready yet to mean it though, but someday I might just. Retroucaille has been always one of my plans, but ot while he is still obviously in pain about his impending loss of OW (that is how it seems to me, he is holding on to the pain, that is why he seems so miserable all the time. It is a prolonged goodbye, with backsliding every now and then).

Agaian, I am reminding myself that if anything, I have the gift of TIME, and I have to use it wisely.