To DB, or not to DB, that is the question.

[jbnati]

I also think that he doesn't realize that a loving relationship is a goal, an objective. I think he is still stuck in thinking (whether he realizes it or not) that love is something that happens to him. I think that is a difference between him and me. He seems to expect that a loving relationship with the right woman should just come together of itself. He may consciously, intellectually, know that relationships take work (who hasn't heard that old saw several million times?), but I think his actions are still guided by the expectation that, if you are the right woman for him, everything will be beautiful by itself. And I also think that he believes that you are the right woman for him, which is why he keeps on pulling away and then trying again - maybe he is stymied trying to figure out why, you being the right woman for him, everything isn't happening the way it is supposed to.

E, Psych, this kind of jumped out at me. E - I think this is a very real possibility. This is also the impression I get of my W. I think the right MC could get him on the right track, IF, and it's a big IF he would go in with an open mind.

It's like a marital game of chess. What move do I make next?

One takeaway I got from this is he reads and processes your letters. Maybe you don't focus on this specific letter or even follow-up on it at all? The message is in the medium. This seems to be a good way to communicate with your H. Maybe your next step is to write another letter? I think from everything I've read it should probably be a well thought out letter, like the one you just sent him. Perhaps you take a different direction with this letter? Perhaps with this one you can start asking for what you want? I think what I'm hearing here is you want stability, you want him to be receptive and engaged to MC if you go, and you want him to speak to you in your LLs. I would think you would start small - I think the stability is the biggest one on the list, but maybe start with a single LL or MC instead. IDK - just brainstorming here. Perhaps you just acknowledge and validate his feelings in the additional letter. Of course, I may be talking complete lunacy here.