E - from my point of view, I think your H has read and digested the letter. He appears to be reacting to it. I think you are aware of this. His actions are saying he really doesn't want a D. I think you're concerned his changes right now are only temporary. If that's not the case, just call me crazy.
Yes, I think he is reacting to the letter and is scared of D but then again he did say last weekend, he was only staying out of guilt. That he didn't want to hurt me and the kids, but that he couldn't do this anymore. I don't want to be with a man who is here out of guilt. I think that is the one thing that he's said that is weighing the most heavily on my mind.
And yes, I believe I still fear his changes are most likely only temporary, considering he's done the flip flop before, even when he was the one doing the bombing. In some ways, I consider the letter my bomb or my boundary.
And if you're crazy, then I'm certifiable.
Originally Posted By: jbnati
IMO, you may want to wait awhile before bringing up the letter.
Yes, this is probably the best decision considering my first choice is to bring it up and just have it done one way or another. But I tend to be a bit reactive at times so I'm trying to do a 180. However, I also don't want to appear weak because that's not very attractive either.
It's like a marital game of chess. What move do I make next?
Originally Posted By: jbnati
What positive changes can you make to affect your H positively?
I'm going to give this question more thought but I think speaking to him in his LL is first on the list.
Originally Posted By: jbnati
Would your H be amenable at all to MC?
I don't know. I do recall that when I was acting like a crazy unreasonable WAW, that he did suggest MC (this completely slipped my mind until the other day) but I said no. My reason for this was because he had always quit MC in the past, or said it didn't work so I didn't want to pour my heart out to another MC and feel humiliated when he once again became negative about the process. Obviously, this was my anger and hurt (and ego) talking and not the right choice.
Originally Posted By: jbnati
What's your LL? What's your H's LL?
My H's is Physical Touch. We have discussed the book. Mine is a tie between Words of Affirmation and Quality Time.
Right now he is speaking to me in his LL and I am being receptive. I have shown some affection with out him initiating first, but am afraid of pursuing.
One thing he did mention to me yesterday by text (he seems to find it easier to communicate via text right now) is that he didn't think I found him attractive anymore and this hurt him deeply. My H is very attractive and I'd even go so far as to say he could have modeled when he was younger as he has a very handsome face. I assured him that I still find him attractive and that my distance was due to my pain, not his physical attractiveness. I realize now that withdrawing sexually hurt him more deeply than I realized. I was too caught up in my own hurt and selfishness to see this in the past.
