New and Suffering

[Accuray]

Thank you again for your help and kind words. As time passes, I am learning more and more about what happened, and my wife was chasing multiple OM at work for approx 2 years, only one of whom engaged with her. Each of these revelations takes me back to deep hurt. I have asked her to tell me everything and she keeps assuring me she has, but then I learn more.

She claims to be 100% committed to putting us back on track, but is approaching it with low energy and enthusiasm. She's in a place of comfort and content, but doesn't seem to be willing to do much work beyond the minimum. Claims that is "just her" but she seemed to have plenty of energy for the EF's. I am feeling very much "in love" again and enthusiastic about the relationship, while I fear she loves me, but is not in love. I do know she is still communicating sporadically with one of the OM's who did not engage, who she had an infatuation with.

I can't figure out if I should pursue her, or step back and wait for her to come around (if she does). Whenever I get low based on the EF's, she senses it without me saying anything, and either gets angry or withdraws. Having no support makes me feel even more alone and makes me tend to pursue more.

I assume the best course of action here may be to give space?

Thanks again!