I do see the point your making about caving in to my own previously stated boundaries. However, since that time - I am more assured that my tolerence for his drinking has changed. He has slowed down a lot on that matter also. He was going out every single night for long hours to local bars. Now he recently has toned that down to just 2-3 nights out of the week while I am at my meetings. Its something I can live with for now. He also knows that if it goes back to everynight again, that we will not be working together as a couple anymore. Time will tell.
We had a great anniversary. Very simple due to working that day and having a wedding to attend on the following day. So we just went out to dinner together and tried a new restaurant we were interested in. Yes, we were sober. We came home afterwards and just chilled on the couch watching the tube. It was nothing significant, but I was so happy to celebrate it together with him. We have taken a few trips for previous anniversaries, but currently we are both stapped for cash and time. So it was a nice way to spend the day simplified.
I realize I need to work more on my boundaries. I dont want to appear as though I am caving in. I am in a state of pure patience currently until something happens for better or for worse. I keep so busy and occupied with my life, I have not been bothered by his barnights lately. I can deal with it for now, but if it were to get worse again like it was this past spring, I know I would have to end up putting my foot down on our Reconciliation. I guess thats where I am at for now.
I notice when he does go out drinking, he starts saying things like "I am such a loser"... "your perfect and I dont deserve you"..."I wish I had what it takes to try out a meeting - but I just dont"...etc... So I sit quietly and listen for the most part. However, I feel that God is working in his life slowly towards breaking his denial that he sort of needs to get help. I tell him I love him and no one is perfect and we all need to look with in to find our own happiness. He is always very thankful of my understanding. I do pray though that he will find his way to sobriety sooner than later. He has to want it and currently still does not. We are not making any moves to live with each other again anytime soon. Just hanging out and spending a few nights a week with each other until we are both more ready. TIPPER
