Feeling alone and frustrated with a 180.

[Psych77]

Alright - haven't written in my "journal" for several days, and I need to keep this up.

Actually, lately my efforts to DB have been kind of slackened. I think that I have been so busy lately that I haven't had time to think about it, and W and I have not had enough time to have either positive or negative interactions.

Well, my sister-in-law's H has been out of town for a few days, so while I was at work on Saturday W called me and said that she would go to her house for a "sleep over." W had never done this sort of thing before (since she was 12, anyway), so I asked why. Not really trying to pry (hope it didn't look like that), just thinking that something terrible had happened and sister-in-law needed support or something. W answered, "Because her husband's out of town." Well, by this time I had gotten a chance to think about the fact that I needed to be aware of what I was doing. I didn't ask any more, except about the logistics (you know, when she was leaving, how many nights, etc.), and told her that I would finish up work and be home as soon as possible so she could leave.

Well, I was working the weekend and 3 of the kids were home, so I couldn't use much of the time to GAL. But I did let the kids choose movies to rent for the two evenings, and watched with them (they're veging out in front of a screen, so I don't know why it matters so much to them that Dad watches the movie with them, but it does). Last night remembered to make a run through the kitchen and finish up the dishes, since I know she appreciates that. Now that I think about it, I actually felt good getting that done myself. Never really realized the underlying sense of depression that goes on when I let myself off the hook for a little job like that - just the knowledge that it's only going to build up (and it always does - W isn't so great at keeping up with such chores, either - even with help from the kids). Wasn't sparkling, but it was OK.

So, she came home last night, a while after I was in bed. She came in, I woke up, asked her if she had a good time. She responded by telling me, at length, about a movie she had seen with her sister. I was a little tired, but not losing consciousness as she spoke, so I listened. Figured this would be a good chance to get in the practice of listening, as I frequently do not. Only once faltered - I finished a sentence for her, and she got a little, er, *urinated* at me, but I apologized and she continued.

She didn't ask me how things went at home, but I suppose we'll get there.

I kissed her good night, and she returned the kiss, on the mouth (I've really only started kissing her again recently, and usually she turns her cheek to me). It was only a quick peck, but progress is progress.

So, there it is. Nothing earth shattering, in terms of either interactions between us or personal growth on my own part. I guess I just wanted to stay in the habit of posting, as this is the best journaling I have ever done. And besides, typing this up gives me a wake up call to get off my duff and get back onto doing some serious DBing. I know it gets results, so I just have to stick with it.